Saturday, March 31, 2018

You Might be a Liberal if.....

This one's a bit American, but it's fun!Hat tip to TexasFred

IQ tests should be used to stop the death penalty, but not to determine admission to AP classes.

The Ten Commandments in schools will hurt the children, but “Heather Has Two Mommies” won’t.

African-American, Queer and Women’s Studies prepare young people for good careers, but a biology major is an outdated relic of white, misogynist domination.

College students must protest the President (before Obama was elected), but never challenge anything the professor says.

Math tests are racist, but there is nothing racist about blacks being admitted over more qualified white applicants.

Spending 4 years – make that 5 years – repeating your professor’s liberal slogans is a solid education, but demanding that colleges present all view-points and actually teach the subject is “anti-intellectualism”.

McCarthyism was wrong, but black-listing “right-wingers” from ever teaching in college is just plain old common sense. A right-winger is anyone who doesn’t toe the line on all issues.

Education is about “feeling”, not knowing. Logic is the product of white male supremacy in our culture.

After spending 5 years in college, you still don’t know when the Civil War took place and you are absolutely certain it had nothing to do with freeing black slaves.

Meat is bad for you. So is milk. But marijuana gets you ready for your finals.

AIDS is caused by poverty. So is crime. And membership in the Republican party.

You march to raise awareness about breast cancer, but believe it’s caused by sexism and infant mortality is caused by racism.

You want to outlaw cigarettes and legalize marijuana.

Global Cooling for 10 years proves that there is global warming.

You fly on private jets, but feel free to tell others to use only one square of toilet paper to save the environment.

You think that using less toilet paper will be good for the air.

The best way to care about a disease is to wear a ribbon. You must also prevent pharmaceutical companies from making a profit.

People should be allowed to euthanize themselves, but not to eat in McDonald’s.

Career welfare recipients are fat because they can’t afford food.

You preach to everyone that diversity is our greatest strength, but you paid half a million dollars more for a house in an all-white suburb than you could’ve for the same house in a black neighborhood.

You see racist code-words in all media except in hip-hop singles such as “Kill The White People”.

You wonder out loud, “Why can’t we all just get along?”

You oppose all racial prejudice, but think all whites are racist, consciously or not.

IQ tests are completely invalid and there are no differences between people, except when an anonymous blogger posts that all the Red States have a borderline retarded IQ and all the Blue states are made up exclusively of intellectually gifted people. Then you feel the need to send the blog post to everyone you know as conclusive proof that voting for Democrats makes you smart.

You greet a black person with, “Yo Bro!”

Indians created the United States and Europe became great as a result of Islamic influences. On second thought, Europe isn’t great.

You can’t believe you were so racist as to say that there’s something great about Europe except their Social Democrat parties.

Black dominance in basketball is progress, but white dominance in swimming is an outrage.

Illegal Mexicans are real Americans. Descendants of our Founding Fathers aren’t.

Racial profiling is wrong, but all serial killers are white and all Mexicans are hard-working family men.

US wants to build a wall on the Mexican and not Canadian border because of racism, not because 20 million Mexicans and almost no Canadians cross into the U.S. illegally.

There is no correlation between Islamic immigration to Europe and increased anti-Semitic attacks against European Jews.

Prostitution empowers women, but having a man open the door for you is degrading.

You get out of bed, look at your naked body and at your wife’s, and then think: “gender is a social construct that has no basis in science”.

On second thought, you got married in Vermont and your wife’s name is Thomas.

Your dog is smaller than your cat.

You bought your son a doll and your daughter a toy truck just to prove that gender is a social construct.

You then gave your son a “time-out” for pretending that the doll is an enemy soldier. Such violence will not be accepted.

When your 2-year-old daughter turned the truck into a “tea party” table, your immediate thought was, “I got to her too late and she was already brainwashed by society to think she’s a little woman”.

Men are bigger, stronger and faster than women because our society is sexist.

On second thought, it’s sexist to say that men are bigger, stronger and faster.

Western women suffer at the hands of men, but Islamic women are greatly respected.

The only time you’ve ever used the word “choice” was in reference to abortion. School choice or the choice to shop at Wal-Mart should be prevented at all costs.

If you are a man, your hair is longer than your girlfriend’s.

Women should stop listening to their husbands and start listening to you.

There’s never a reason to hit a woman, unless she’s Ann Coulter or another conservative, in which case, she had it coming for having a mind of her own and disagreeing with you.

People are born with a sexual orientation, but gender is a social construct and nobody is really born with male or female qualities.

You agree with your cross-dressing friend that “our society” is just “too focused” on genitals in determining a person’s sex instead of determining gender by looking at the person’s clothes. Just because she has a penis instead of a vagina, chest hair instead of breasts and a prostate instead of ovaries, doesn’t mean she’s any less of a woman.

Men who are aroused by breasts are abnormal freaks, but homosexuality is biologically normal.

Men stand in front of toilets only to promote male supremacy and should be forced by the government to sit.

Great spirituality is found in Voodoo, but nothing in the Bible.

Gay students should be allowed to publicly kiss in class, but Christians shouldn’t be allowed to quietly pray during a break.

The Christmas tree should be banned from public view, but that anyone objecting to pornography “only has to look the other way.”

When a Western woman travels to the Middle East, she should respect their traditions and cover up. When Muslim illegally infiltrate Europe, they have the right to expect the Westerners to adjust to them. If the Europeans don’t, Muslims have every right to riot.

Christianity is a threat. Islam is a religion of peace.

The Constitution allows desecration of the flag, but makes it strictly illegal to desecrate the Koran.

You found where the right to an abortion is written in the Constitution, but cannot find where the Constitution provides for a right to bear arms.

None of the Constitutional Rights you believe in are actually written in the U.S. Constitution.

Constitutional rights that are actually written in the Constitution are outdated and should be ignored.

The First Amendment’s Freedom of Speech must take a back seat to sensitivity.

You think that the Declaration of Independence is a legally-binding document, but the Constitution should be read any which way you want.

On second thought, the only thing binding about the Declaration of Independence is the sentence “all men are created equal”. You aren’t sure what else the declaration says, but you are sure that whitey had no right to declare independence on Indians’ land.

Child molesters can live anywhere and maintain their privacy, but Wal-Mart should be limited to far-away places where children can’t be exposed to it.

Teenagers can’t control their sexual urges no matter what we do, but child molesters and rapists can after counseling.

Counseling is the proper punishment for all crimes except sexual harassment and racism.

McDonald’s should be sued for selling dangerous products, but drug dealers should be released from prisons.

Mumia is a great American, but the Founding Fathers were brutal racists and we should ignore everything they said.

A five-year-old boy who pulls a girl’s hair should be punished, but gang bangers who are caught with guns should be let go because they didn’t do anything.

Affirmative action is the way to solve racial problems in America.

Quietly reading “The Bell Curve” on the bus is harassment, but keying someone’s car for disagreeing with you is activism.

When rape and murder statistics go up, you blame poverty.

Society should take responsibility for crime, but the criminals need more understanding.

We have too many police. If the cops backed off, the ghetto would be pristine.

America and Israel are the only problems in the Middle East.

Four year old babies should be frisked at the airport because focusing on nervous young Arabs would be discriminatory.

Hezbollah is a legitimate political party, but Republicans are just a bunch of racist haters who should never be exposed to kids or college students.

It is wrong to kill terror leaders without a trial, but blowing up buses and airplanes is legitimate resistance.

Your peace rally consists of supporters of Hamas, Hezbollah and Saddam Hussein.

You say, “Why do they hate us?” when America is attacked and “we’re just furthering the cycle of violence” when we retaliate.

You aren’t unpatriotic, but you just can’t remember the last time you sided with the United States … on anything… against any country.

If you support the United States, you are blind idiot who wraps himself in patriotism. If you support Israel, you fell for Zionist propaganda. If you side with Islamists, you truly understand international politics and your views are intricate and nuanced.

We had no business going to Afghanistan, but bombing Serbia in the 1990s on behalf of Islamic terrorist Kosovo Liberation Army was vital to our national interest.

Truth matters less than feelings.

You think Hamas and Robert Mugabe were fairly and democratically elected, but President Bush was not.

You tell anyone who’ll listen that our elections are fraudulent and then you fight tooth and nail to prevent states from requiring a photo ID to vote.

You are more proud of Obama’s race than of John McCain’s refusal to leave his buddies behind in Vietnamese prison.

Dan Quayle is the dumbest Vice-President ever because he believed a flash card that misspelled “potato,” but Obama is a genius despite the fact that he believes that we have more than 57 states.

You laugh at Dan Quayle, but you still can’t figure out the difference between “your” and “you’re”.

Governor Sarah Palin is unqualified, but Daughter Caroline Kennedy and Wife Hillary Clinton were great candidates for the U.S. Senate.

You are more concerned about a politician being endorsed by the NRA than al Qaeda and the Socialist Workers Party.

All recounts must continue until the Democrat takes the lead, and not a second longer.

You announce that you will move to Canada every time a Republican wins an election.

None of your friends ever voted for a Republican.

People who don’t chat, “Bush Lied, People Died” are all stupid.

Barbra Streisand knows more about politics than Newt Gingrich.

95% of blacks voting for a black guy is normal, but 55% of whites voting for the white candidate is a sign of how flawed our racist voting system is.

You call yourself ‘progressive’ but oppose all progress because somebody might get fired and replaced by a cheap and more efficient computer program.

Capitalism is the cause of poverty.

People aren’t successful, they are privileged.

People don’t earn. They deserve.

The Christian Right shouldn’t impose their morality on you, but you want to impose big government on everyone else because otherwise they won’t do the right thing.

You think that consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except capitalism.

You think the case for global warming is proven without a shadow of a doubt, but that we need another century or two worth of evidence to figure out if capitalism and free markets work better than socialism.

It’s obscene that oil companies are allowed to make 8.3 cents per gallon in profit with gas prices this high, but it’s OK for the government to make several times more than that in taxes.

McDonald’s gives people an option to super-size their meal because it is purposely trying to kill black people by giving them heart disease, cancer, diabetes and stroke.

You are steeped in compassion, but never gave money to charity or donated blood.

Your favorite sport is soccer. You pronounce it “foot-bowl”. You can’t name a single player or when was the last World Cup. You never actually watched a soccer match, but saying “foot-bowl” seems like a good answer to give when you are drinking your caramel latte with scones.

Your other interests are Ballet, Opera and Gangsta Rap.

You favor games where you don’t keep score, run or in any way risk bruising yourself.

You really wish to go to India to study spiritualism there, but you wouldn’t be caught dead in a church.

Your car has 8 bumper stickers calling Republicans morons and saying that Bush is a murderer, but that “McCain/Palin” bumper stick you just saw is really offensive so you just had to scratch that car with your key.

You wear a Yasser Arafat head scarf, but laugh at those who wear formal ties.

Playing competitive sports could do permanent harm to teenagers, but smoking weed daily and occasionally trying hard drugs is just something all college students do.

Fox News is biased, but Al Jazeera isn’t. In fact, Fox News invented media bias.

Rush Limbaugh and Michael Reagan are mean-spirited racists and promote hate crime, but Maxine Waters, John Conyers and Louis Farrakhan aren’t and don’t.

Rush Limbaugh’s listeners are mindless “dittoheads,” but you have never doubted anything that you heard from Michael Moore.

Assaulting the President by throwing shoes at him is free speech, but political cartoons about Muhammad aren’t.

Freedom of speech means the right to scream when a conservative tries to speak in order to prevent anyone from hearing his views.

Freedom of speech applies to terrorists, not conservative radio talk show hosts.

Everyone who disagrees with you must be reported for racism to your employer, university dean and the police.

After making the report, you are shocked that racism is not a crime and that the offender won’t won’t be locked up.
If you answered yes to over 10 of these, you are a liberal. Start drinking the Kool-Aid!

Where did it all go wrong?

za_no_justiceBy Bheki Dungeni:
Monday, November 5, 2012
After much reflection and consideration on quite a number of things happening around, this notion eerily crossed my mind, and for the first time I began to ask myself questions I had never asked before. But one question that overshadowed most of them was this simple, yet so complex inquiry: Where did it all go wrong?
Also, I have to admit, I had made a pact with my ‘journalistic gods’ that I will keep away from anything ‘political’ for some time, but thanks to our ‘gifted politicians’, I was forcefully stirred out of my peaceful slumber.
If the recent events are anything to go by, I believe millions, if not billions of people all over the world have noticed that something is amiss, and whatever it is, it is not only jeopardizing unity among all, but it has left South Africa rattling along the rancid edges of what many tend to call a ‘point of no return’.
This piece does not set out to conclude on anything, but to try and find answers to this rather perplexing question. Where did it really go wrong?
Would it be for the fact that a party that has been in existence for over 100 years, and has run the country for the past 18, has fallen victim to the evil forces of profligacy? Or is it because the ideologies set down when South Africa attained her independence remained merely inscriptions within the pediments of the Freedom Charter, and did not see the light of day? How about maybe the country took a left turn, when it was supposed to turn right (Led by the one and only)?
Well, to begin with, I would love to refer you to a statement from the President of South Africa himself, which did not only leave me gob smacked, but truly dismayed. I have never been one to point a finger at the other, but after that sentiment the President put out, I felt like pointing a finger all the way to his heart. Probably poke it even, and assess if it’s still in touch with the world around it or not.
“Let us solve African problems the African way, not the white man’s way,” President Jacob Zuma was quoted saying, at the opening of the National House of Traditional Leaders in Parliament.
I would love to quote the rest of it, but truth be told, my heart would not allow me.
Maybe we would like you recap a bit, Mr. President, and go back a little bit, because it certainly seems it’s a lot easy for political leaders nowadays to forget things as is it for some of them to bid for a ‘four-legged’ Buffalo (Would have made sense if maybe it had two. Rare-breed).
When did it all suddenly become a question of doing it the ‘white man’s’ way or the African way? When did all the principles and tenets penned down in the Freedom Charter wash down the drain? Was it not you Mr. President who has been advocating for unity among South Africans; black, white, Coloured, Indian, Chinese or any other race?
It is truly sad, if not disheartening, that the man at such an echelon in the governing house would truly utter such words, especially when the country is grappling with multitudes of conflicts that are simultaneously boiling with each and every day. If that statement, Mr. President, is not racist, then we all didn’t get the memo. Probably we were in a different train going somewhere else, where we never got to see words like ‘racism, prejudice and segregation’. You would certainly be forgiven to think that such political views brandish nothing but conceit.
I have a suggestion, Mr. President. Why not let the ‘white man’ have what is his then? Let him have his sky-scrapper buildings that he ‘brought’ into the land, and maybe we can all finally cram up in caves, crevices, and mud-huts that we seem like we ‘truly miss’ so bad. How about giving back his suits that you always seem cooped up in every time you appear at conferences and conventions? Or your stylish ‘blue-light’ convoy that is entirely a ‘white man’s’ creation?
Let me not even mention the iPad, which you tap on and touch with ease, warmed by the beauty of civilization, technology and now the digital world. I’m sure you will do just fine counting your cows, goats, sheep and corn fields using stones and your fingers. Oh, wait, you wouldn’t even know how to count because it was the same ‘white man’ who taught you all this, and today you’re telling the people that ‘lawyers will not help you’?
My message is simple: I think it’s time people woke up from their dreams of going back into the primitive world; where animal skin, feathers, traditional beer, five or more wives and walking barefoot would be the style of the day. Let’s enjoy it as a culture and tradition, and celebrate it forever and ever if we have to. But let’s not try and undo the road to civilization, because surely by trying to bring it all back together is like trying to undo a whole two to three centuries.
You would die before even starting on such a journey, Mr. President. We have already been influenced by many different cultures. We have already taken the leap into civilization and left the ‘dark, stone-age’ days behind us. I am sorry to break it down to you, but as bad as it may seem or sound, especially to the older generation, its either we fight it (whatever it is we are fighting), or make it work for everyone else. Well, I wouldn’t take the first option, as we have already seen what fighting has done. Who would want to relive Apartheid?
Five words: Get on with the programme
Honestly, has it not crossed your mind that South Africa is probably one of the only countries in the world that is still blaming the ‘white man’? How long will it go on and when will it end?
Again, thanks to our forever-opinionated Comrade Blade Nzimande, the barrel of the gun has suddenly shifted to the media now. He claims South African media is ‘unfair and unbalanced’. ‘Unfair and Unbalanced’ in what way, I ask myself.
Like I said, it certainly seems easy to forget for many politicians in the country. It seems it is easy to remember animal skins and ‘spears’ from the 1800s, but pledges set down merely 18 years ago vanished with the blink of an eye.
Was it not the same media that was at the forefront of atrocities back in the day when the country was fighting apartheid? Was it not the same media that chased after riots, marches and uprisings in townships, to show the world the plight of the people? Soweto and Sharpeville, anyone?
How about the same media that afforded people like Nelson Mandela a platform to share their views and hopes for South Africa with the world? Who filmed him and followed him around? It surely wasn’t CNN, BBC or Sky News, was it? If you know the history of media houses in South Africa, you would certainly know that most of them haven’t changed much. Some of the media houses and companies that covered the uprisings during apartheid days are still the same that are in existence today. What’s new?
Probably what Nzimande means is media houses should only cover events where the ANC is about to hand over keys to 50 new RDP house owners in the communities, sidelining the millions that are squeezed into townships and shacks, and have been waiting for houses for years now. Maybe what he is suggesting is that media houses should get VIP seats at their dinner tables, and leave thousands of mine workers striking, marching and slaughtering each other around the country in the name of ‘better salaries’? Probably what he means is that media houses should come ‘dance’ and dine with the ruling party at their galas and conventions, and neglect protesters burning down libraries, streets lights, infrastructure and stoning cars in Khayelitsha because they demand better housing, better services, water and electricity.
Well, I got news for you, because the same media that you invited to the ANC 100 years centenary celebrations will be the same media that will stretch its arms to cover the millions of rands in tax money that the party is channeling into its coffers day in day out. It will stretch its arms to dig up allegations and reports about arms deals, corruption, money laundering and ‘tenderpreneurship’ in the country.
If it has ample space in its hands, it will be the same media that will be the first to know that the Presidents nephew’s car was hijacked while his bodyguard was waiting for some KFC somewhere in the land, while workers at ‘his mine’ go without salaries for months. How about being the same media to capture sterling HD pictures of ‘Rolex’ watches precariously dangling on the wrists political demagogues claiming to be at the realm of the ‘poor’.
It will be the same media that will be the first to catch a glimpse of thousands of books and stationery dumped somewhere in Limpopo, while students suffer at schools and go for months without them. How about being the first to know that the man at the top of the governing house is getting married for the umpteenth time, thanks to the ‘middle-class’ tax-paying citizens of South Africa ‘cordially sponsoring’ the weddings?
There is no need to sugar-coat things here, or is there a need to compile reports in favour of one against the other. That, my dear comrades in the political spheres, would be tantamount to unethical, ‘unfair and unbalanced’ reporting, as Nzimande put it. It would certainly be uncalled for, especially when political heads have proved to everyone that their chosen path is theirs and theirs only. Should it go unchallenged? I don’t think so.
Well, thanks to the media, the country now knows that the President wanted, and still is probably going to use more than R200m taxpayers money for the ‘upgrading’ of his ‘homestead’.
Thanks to the media, the country now knows that government officials get charged of different crimes but never face the dock, as cases get ‘miraculously’ dropped, and to some extent, courts peculiarly burn down somewhere in Polokwane.
Oh yes, thanks to the media, the country now knows that police were involved in the bombing of a correctional services vehicle, killing people and wounding more than a dozen, because they wanted to help criminals escape.
Without the media, this country would be in the dark. But, most importantly, it wouldn’t be in the dark as it would be without the ‘white man’s’ technology. (Let’s be honest, a mere fire wouldn’t light up Johannesburg the way its glistening lights at night do today).
With that said, I am certainly looking forward to another long vacation from politics, and go back to enjoy the beauty of the world without ‘politics’ breathing down my neck, and hopefully I will wake up on the other side of Mangaung. Honestly, It seems it has become one big circus where, if Julius Malema is not swindling tenders and money somewhere, Mr. President is busy trying to convince the world that everything is okay and there is absolutely nothing to worry about. For now, all I can say is let’s brace ourselves people, and simply hope nobody is going to dance themselves out of their ‘red’ neckties come December.

The Loyalist

from News24 Voices, by Thabo Seroke:
CaptureI’ve often suffered the misfortune of being called “a mouth piece for the enemy”, usually by people who claim to be ANC loyalists. As a relatively young South African, who has spent most of his conscious years in our cancerous democracy, maligned by constant promises of transparency, accountability and competence, I quiver because I had no idea who this enemy is. I have unfortunately allowed the term to occupy most of my thoughts and I have reached several conclusions.
The enemy here not only represents white South Africans who are obviously unsatisfied by the direction (or lack thereof) of the country but equally opinionated Black, Coloured or Indian South Africans who share similar sentiments.
Sadly, these ‘loyalists’ are naturally oblivious to their own conditions brought upon by the people they constantly claim to be willing to die and kill for. They are usually readily available to cause havoc to any individual, group or opposition party because a large majority are unemployed and their occupation is protest, vandalism and disruption. They equate the relevance of these protests to the apartheid era, except this time, in defense of the very government that oppresses them.  They are loyal nonetheless to the leadership because they can be bussed in anywhere to stand in contention with something they hardly understand, if the know what it is they are against at all.
Even a greater number of them are the youth. The biggest victims in my opinion of this veiled democracy. They’re being crippled with flawed education but no chaos there; there are after all more pupils in classrooms now than in 1994. Quality is optional and out of gratitude, the loyalist accepts education that rates part of the lowest in world.
An even comical sign of loyalty was when the SACP and COSATU marched in support of Zuma’s administration, celebrating his success since taking public office. Ironically, now the constitution is an obstacle to our President’s agenda
They descend on you en masse wherever you are. The ANC women’s leagues, major loyalists, are willing to turn their backs on the people they should be standing up for. Last week our President, perhaps the only survivor of the Stone Age met with other traditional leaders who gathered in support of the Traditional Courts Bill. Out of loyalty, the ANCWL joined our tribalist Zuma in time travel by endorsing him for a second term, a step that will take women’s rights 600 000 years back.
The thing is, it is not necessarily just Zuma they support. Loyalists oppose every other opportunity for progressive change. It isn’t the ANC they were defending on Sunday when they stopped Zille’s intentionally dubious visit to Nkandla, they were purely just defending a man who can do no wrong in their eyes. This loyalty bears fruit, because it fast tracks the supporters’ position in the queue. When its time to dish up, such devotion is beneficial
This culture of crushing the voices of these ‘mouth pieces for the enemy’ will be the demise of our democracy. Should I be satisfied with incompetence, complacency and poor service delivery purely because I am a black person and owe my freedom to the ANC? Am I less of a black person for disagreeing with the party’s leadership?
Perhaps my loyalty changed when I stopped supporting the man and grew back to the party in hopes of restoring it to what it was almost a century ago. We often make the mistake of never finding the connection or distinction between deployed leadership and founding principles of a particular organization. If your loyalty has blinded you, I ask this, is this the vision of Luthuli, Sobukwe and Biko?
The common assumption is that if you vehemently oppose the manner in which an ANC led government does things and express your views in a liberal tone, you’re automatically labeled a DA member or counter-revolutionary.
It would be ambitious to the point of foolishness of me to describe the South African voter as independent, I mean we say we but are we really? As long as deferring from archaic, tribal rule is seen as a disdain of black heritage and back-stabbing the people who sacrificed their lives for the freedom we claim to have today, we cannot be independent.
The reality we face is that South Africa now has to deal with an inactive, unemployed and unskilled youth that is running out of patience and if the government still believes that all it expects from that youth are praise singers, they are sitting on a ticking time bomb. The amplified voices of these youths will one day speak out for themselves and they will be their own mouth-pieces, which will be highly necessary when testing their loyalty to the country and that will be true freedom.
Misguided loyalty will not help you or your sons”