Monday, July 19, 2010

Dating Outside Your Own Race

Now here's a big topic!

One consequence of greater integration following the end of Apartheid is the increase in numbers of "mixed couples", particularly in the Cape but also in Gauteng and other parts of the country. It is still, however, a major taboo.

I found an article from an African-American blogger called Abagond. Or rather, two articles. Both are brief but are significant in that the first concluded simply that white men are (booo!) racist while women and all other races aren't.

White men with black women are not as common in America as you might expect. Even though an eighth of American women are black, fewer than one married white man in 400 has a black wife! That cannot be an accident. Compare that to how many have Asian wives: about one in 100 – even though there are way fewer Asian women.

Given the numbers of white, black and Asian women there are in America and looking at who white men marry, you can work out how much they like different kinds of women as wives:

  • 132: white women
  • 100: American women in general
  • 23: Asian women
  • 2: black women

So why do so few white men marry black women?

Here are some reasons that you hear:

  1. Lack of opportunity: Most white men live in a nearly all-white world. Most know only a few black women.
  2. Lack of education in black women: White men look for women with the same level of education. That limits the number of black women they might date and marry even further.
  3. Lack of good looks in black women: Most white men think black women are not all that good looking when compared to white women. That comes across in their phrase “good-looking for a black girl”. And you see it in their lists of beautiful women on the Internet: they have few if any black women and those they do have tend to be light-skinned. An amazing-looking black woman can walk right by a white man without him batting an eye.
  4. Lack of friendliness of black women: White men tend to see black women as being hard to get along with – the Sapphire stereotype. It is just not worth the trouble.
  5. Lack of acceptance among white friends and family: White men are afraid of what their friends or family will say. Whites are less accepting of mixed relationships, especially mixed marriages, than blacks are.
  6. Lack of desire among black women: Among Americans, black women are the least likely to marry outside their race.
Abagond's conclusion?

It is white people who stick most to their own kind, not black women – or even Asian men.

The other reasons have some truth to them, but notice how they never seem to blame white men.

They all avoid the simplest reason of all, the one that you hardly ever hear:

  1. White men are racist: They do not want their sons and daughters to be black. Not because their parents are against it, not because their friends are against it, not because white society is against it – because they themselves are against it!
Which seems a bit of a logical leap to me.

So, Abagond sets off to educate herself, reading a 2002-4 study from Columbia University on the subject of race and dating. She came up with a "part II" to her article on race, summing up the findings of the study thus:

The Columbia study meanwhile found that while men are dogs and only care about looks, not race, women prefer men of their own race. Women, not men, apply race to dating.

The final paragraph is telling:

Yet on the other hand I cannot shake from my mind the way white men, at least in New York, act as if black women are not living, breathing women. Like some of the white commenters, they see them as black first and women second – if at all.

So, the author chooses to lay the findings of the study aside and run with a 'feelings'-based conclusion that white men must be racist after all.

Is there a relationship between dating (or not dating) and racism?

Well, "progressives" say not. According to Racism 101, a broad set of guidelines on Racism from a liberal so-called "antiracism" perspective (summary: all white people are racist white supremacists and non-white people cannot be racist), dating a non-white person does not make you a non-racist (rule 9). So, presumably, not dating a non-white person does not make you a racist?

Basically, whether or not you date outside your own ethnicity gives no indication as to whether or not you're racist. I fundamentally disagree. If you date inside your own race, it gives no indication. But if you date outside, it makes a statement that you are not racist. The Columbia study backs this up - we care more about looks, education and personality than we do about race.

One problem lies with those who date outside their own race for the express purpose of trying to show others how unracist they are. This is fundamentally racist, because you are using your partner as a fashion statement. It also carries the implication that if you have to actually date a person to prove how unracist you are, you are buying into the false ideology that you are a big racist in the first place.

In conclusion: it's all about personal preference, not racism.

14 Opinion(s):

Yves said...

Personal racial preferences will be labelled racism, just as daring saying that you think heterosexuality is better than homosexuality is now labelled "heterosexism" and a sin in the new Canada (in Quebec 9 ministers will cooperate and fight against heterosexism).


Anonymous said...

If white men were so racist, why do they hook up with Asians? Surely they're a non-white race? I would like to know the stats on how many black men have relationships with white women - who they consider a conquest. Asians also tend not to hook up with blacks - where is the study on this? Abagond needs to wake up and realise that Blacks are not desirable to another race and their track record is the reason. No morals; victimhood and lazy is the reason no one wants them as a partner.

Trey Cruz said...

Our melanin affilicted friend,"Abagond" seems to be particularly interested in New York white men.
This is a pretty broad framework.
If by "New York" she means Manhattan, the reason white men are not interested in black women is probably because a very high percentage of Manhattan men are either homosexual, or jews.
Other reasons for white men avoiding black women might be;

1. Their well documented IQ deficit: Nobody wants their kids to be stupid.
2. Their equally well documented aggression and tendency towards violence: White men do not want to come home to a woman who regularly wants to fight; or, for that matter, in-laws or family friends who are black racists who want to fight.
The white man who does become intimately involved with a black woman is lowering himself into a cesspool of stupidity, interpersonal violence, crime, sloth and black racism, and, essentially is displaying his own self loathing.

Viking said...

the odd thing is, if you read the article, Abagond thinks that black women avoid white men because they've had -get this - bad experiences with them! (she reckons this has to do with slavery..).

I think the desire to be thought of as non-racist, combined with a form of self-loathing as Trey says, is the reason a lot of white women date black men.
I knew one Afrikaans woman in SA who had got into a friendship with a black guy to 'prove' that the new SA would work etc etc. He raped her and she got pregnant and now has a permanent reminder of him.
And I know another who only dates non-white men because she calls herself a Communist and seems to be living it which, I suppose, is at least not hypocritical. But the self-loathing is tangible with her too.

Yves, I noticed and article recently in a Canadian paper which stated that mixed couples in Canada are on the increase - but it's all white/Asian. Seems those racist white Canadians like the slender Chinese and Indians but not the 'curvaceous' Haitians. Which no doubt, as you say, just makes us all Big Racists(TM).

eduard said...

Kissing or having sexual relations with an uncrowned beast of the field? What a disturbing thought! I would'nt even touch them with a broomstick!
Sexual relationship with a black savage is bestiality. They are not animals nor humans. Even in the animal kingdom the animals know how to behave themselves, but not these uncrowned beast of the field kaffirs. These kaffirs do not have a frontal lobe nor do they have proper 3 dimensional vision.

Norman said...

"An amazing-looking black woman can walk right by a white man without him batting an eye."

Walking down a busy Cape Town street one day, I saw this very attractive black girl - slim, long 'straight' black hair with a beautiful complexion and a very elegant and sophisticated gait - coming towards me.

Behind her was a typical bantu girl - big bum, big boobs, big hair, noes, lips, etc.

Walking just in front of me - your typical Sipho, who when the slim girl passed him, he didn't even bat an eye. When the plump one passed him he turned round to admire her bum and look her up and down.

I opine that black men are usually looking for an easy woman. The type who have weight problems and low self-esteem. Invariably if black men and white women are in a relationship, she is usually fat or has low self-esteem or both.

Anonymous said...


I'm afraid that I am going to have to burst your bubble.

You say:
"Walking just in front of me - your typical Sipho, who when the slim girl passed him, he didn't even bat an eye. When the plump one passed him he turned round to admire her bum and look her up and down."

He was looking at the slim girl, it just takes a bit longer for his processor to work through the data.

Anonymous said...


It's called class. Yes, it runs across the colour spectrum. I was once asked by a Chinese friend why do foreigners always marry the ugly ones. It came down to you marry what you know.

People tend to marry across the colour line also for money. See Tiger Woods or even the local Coloured football and cricket players. Its all the same. White marrying black where there is no money is usually societies riff raff.

Piet the Pirate said...

Not somthing that concerns me personally, as none of my family would ever have a relationship with anyone outside their own racial group. It´s how we have been raised, and how our children have been raised, and how our childrens children will be raised.
I would no sooner consider a black, Asian, Arab or jew as a potential partner as I would a monkey.
If that´s being a racist, then so be it. I want the blood of my Viking forefathers kept pure, because I know that is what they would have wanted.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, there is dating outside your race, and there is dating outside your species. I classify blacks as a different species.

Rooster, BC and others, you can call me racist, I don't give a shit, you are nothing in my life and you opinion doesn't matter to me at all.

If I wanted a liberals opinion I would flush the toilet...

Anonymous said...

Blacks are indeed a separate species and this inter-species mixing, breeding, etc.. is an abomination

Anonymous said...

An extract from the link I just posted.

"When miscegenation occurs, the alleles that make the interbreeding races unique do not necessarily disappear, but, like the pigment particles in the paint, they can no longer be separated again into the unique collections that constituted the original races. The races, as distinct forms of life, are destroyed forever. As argued earlier in this book, it took at least two million years to create and select the alleles that make us different, but it takes only an instant of miscegenation to scramble them up again. The selection of some of those alleles required the suffering and death of hundreds of thousands of people who did not have them, so the creation of racial differences was not without great cost. To destroy this monumental natural creation – us, so thoughtlessly and permanently, is akin to desecrating graves, dynamiting ancient statues, bombing cathedrals, and burning the library at Alexandria. What is the most valuable possession populations have that they can pass on to the next generation? It is not wealth or even knowledge. It is their genome, their ability to reproduce themselves as the unique people that they are. To squander that by miscegenation is the ultimate betrayal of one’s heritage."

Read the whole book if you want to get to grips with this topic of different human species. It is an eye-opener and will make you appreciate your own race more.

Exzanian said...

Anon 25 July 2010 08:17:
Good link! It'll take some time to read the entire online book, and I hope to have the time to do so. In terms of your comment, it reminds me of the story of the black couple who gave birth to a blond haired, blue eyed baby...That is totally im-fucking-possible! The alleles are not there in the history of their evolution! The baby is either a weird kind of albino, or the father is a white....You cannot shuffle genes that are not in your biological/ historical line...(although it is perhaps possible that the "blond" gene was recessive and belonged to a parent some generations ago, and has only now expressed itself)

Anonymous said...

@ExZ. We have a link to mentioned book. It is in our document archive, at no. 5. You can download as a pdf. It is well worth a read.