Sunday, October 25, 2009

6 Ways the Internet Has Fu*ked Up Your Life

6 New Personality Disorders Caused by the Internet

Most of us wouldn’t know how to function if we woke up tomorrow without access to the internet super webosphere highway of lulz. We won’t waste our time telling you the countless ways internet makes your life better, we’d rather be negative.

Cyber Sex

Honestly, we can see how black text on a white screen spelling out specific sex acts in extreme detail could be sexy. Maybe. Realistically, what may also be the case is that you just cybered a 400 lb guy with four inches of back-hair. How sexy do you feel now? If we’re really lucky, your performance was documented by
Blood Ninja.

You Have No Real Privacy

If you use your real name on the Internet, people can google you, order background reports, search your job history, etc. You only have to reveal it once. Say hello to your new Internet-stalkers and kiss your privacy goodbye. Simple personal privacy is a thing of the past for most people. Go ahead, google yourself. I’ll wait.

It’s 24/7

We’re really into instant gratification and pride ourselves for being in the know, but sometimes it gets out of hand. Social networks on the Internet operate around the clock and you don’t want to miss a beat. How can you sleep before you know the final score? If you’re missing out on sleep or skipping work to screw around on the Internet, you’ve got a monkey on your back. Oh, and like most junkies, you’ll lose everything before you admit you have a problem. That doesn’t mean you’ll stop.

Internet Friends

Are your Internet friends real friends, or are they in a separate, somewhat lower classification of friendship than people you know in real life? Just because you haven’t met face to face doesn’t mean that you don’t know a person very well. Facts are that you may know more about your online-friends — and have a more open relationship with them — than their real-life friends do. However, friendships in cyberspace can also be less fun than setting your hair on fire. Who’s to say if your friend is a pathological liar, or turns out to be a psycho stalker? You never truly know until it’s too late.

Online Dating

Just as true friendships can begin over the Internet, romantic relationships can form just as easily. The Internet’s brought us dating sites, video-chat and even opportunities to arrange booty calls online. It also upped your chances of becoming involved in a long-distance relationship, and enduring the headaches that come along with one. It takes a lot of love, trust and commitment to keep a long distance relationship going, and it doesn’t hurt to actually have sex with the person, either. You’ll also want that unlimited calling plan while you try to figure out what to do about this mess you’ve gotten yourself into.


If you’re looking to compete at even an intermediate level of online gaming, be prepared to flush hours of your life down the toilet. Online gaming is nothing like single player gaming. No one plays a game to have fun on the internet. Once you connect, you’ll be matched up against serious cyberwarriors, and if you don’t want to be the n00b cake everyone toys with, you’re going to need to put in some serious dedication. Online Gaming has ruined relationships since Duke Nukem 3D was playable on But honestly, if you’re the best, do you even want a girlfriend? Let’s ask the young man in the figure above.

2 Opinion(s):

FishEagle said...

I enjoyed this post, just not the first pic. Yugh!

Tim Johnston said...

I have actually spent 16 hours straight playing a PC game...
But so have most guys I know!