Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Ageing icons grateful to survive Fawcett and Jackson

LOS ANGELES. Stars of the 1990s have reacted with joy and gratitude after waking up alive on June 26, the day after both 1970s icon Farrah Fawcett and 1980s icon Michael Jackson passed away.

"In this time of grief we need to remind ourselves that the most important thing right now is that we survived the great Celebrity Harvest of June 25, 2009," said a spokesman.

Former Charlie's Angel Fawcett, 62, and eccentric pop icon Jackson, 50, died within hours of each other, prompting a wave of panic amongst fading and forgotten stars of the 1990s, who were convinced that they were next.

"It's really hard to stay narcissistic when legends are dying," said a spokesman for former rapper Vanilla Ice. "Because obviously the first thing you feel is not self-love but total panic."

Former teen idol Luke Perry said the news had hit him "very hard".

"I was like, 'Holy crap! Is my mortal show about to cancelled by the celestial Aaron Spelling?'"

Perry's former co-star on Beverley Hills 90210, ice-queen Shannen Doherty, who is currently a spokesmodel for Actors Anonymous, said that the deaths of Fawcett and Jackson had "lit a fire" under her.

"Life is so short," she said. "When I heard the news, I went straight down to the lab to see how my cryogenic chamber was coming along.

"Thank God I did. Dr Klaus had been using it as a chest freezer. It was full of prawns and bottles of vodka. I was like, 'Dr Klaus, haven't you heard about Farrah and Michael? I'm really stressed out right now.' And he was like, 'Ja, sorry.'

"Seriously. I can't work with German scientists."

Paula Abdul said that although her music career was dead, she at least still had her health.

"The passing of people like Farrah and Michael really reminds you what's important in life," she explained. She could not remember what those things were, but said she was sure she had them.

Meanwhile the media says it is trying to give an honest reflection of the outpouring of grief for Jackson, while enjoying the inpouring of money for itself.

"You could say that Michael's life was a terrible parable of what happens when genius is damaged and how a fragile, brilliant person was ground to death by bad choices and an insane media," said LA Chronicle editor, Scoop Sleimbohl.

"But we're not going to say that. For us Michael's death is going to be an awesome revenue stream for at least a week."

1 Opinion(s):

Anonymous said...

The media has turned the passing of this aging, and rather bizarre rock star into the event of the century. Michael Jackson was a great entertainer, but in the last ten years he has only be weird. Looked at his surgically distorted features, pre-pubescent manner of speaking, and Captain Crunch outfits, and you see someone who has completely lost touch with ordinary life. Those of us who are not grieving for his passing are being made to feel as if we should be because the press is dedicating round the clock coverage to his death. Jackson was a great performer, when he was performing, but he was a massively dysfunctional person who was probably guilty of inappropriate behavior with young boys. I think of far more important things to grieve about.