Friday, October 24, 2008

ANCYL defends functional grade woodworker Malema

The report card is genuine though.

PRETORIA. The ANC Youth League has dismissed evidence of Julius Malema's dis
mal academic career, saying that the ANCYL is "about the collective and not the individual". However education officials have confirmed that Malema achieved an H for standard grade Mathematics in Matric, suggesting that he probably can't tell the difference between concepts of "one" and "many".

A digital reproduction of Malema's school report card has been circulating South Africa for some time, revealing a startling array of failing marks, including a G in standard grade woodworking.

However the ANCYL has rejected the report, declaring that Malema's mark for Woodwork was a revolutionary rejection of racism.

I
n a statement released this morning the League said that one of the founding tenets of racism was that blacks were consigned to being "hewers of wood and carriers of water".

"Woodworking is all about hewing wood and entrenching the hegemony of racism," read the statement. "Comrade Malema was subverting this by failing so selflessly."

It explained that Malema had been planning to construct a baroque cuckoo-clock for his final Grade 12 project, but chose instead to "reject bourgeois values and instead make a dovetail joint, representing the will of the masses".

"However this plan was betrayed by counterrevolutionary cold-glue which got all over everything, and a racist chisel which split the joint a week before deadline.

"He therefore chose to demonstrate his love for the simple things in life by handing in a sanded plank. This humble gesture of perseverance was rejected by the Apartheid education system, and he was given an H."

Asked how the Apartheid education system was still in control in 2002, the Youth League said that "racism knows no limits" and could "transcend time and space, like a big racist thing in space and time, transcending them, also".

Meanwhile political analysts say they are alarmed by Malema's results in Mathematics.

According to one, who wished to remain anonymous because he wished to remain alive, getting an H on the standard grade meant that Malema was "counting using his fingers and toes, and running into trouble after one hand".

However most agree that a profoundly limited intellect will not be a hindrance to Malema's political career, as he would only be required to write his own name, usually on blank checks, spell words like "demand", "reject", "kill" and "enemies", and throw ANC-themes T-shirts into crowds.

"Plus," added the unnamed analyst, "he's got nine more years of school than Jacob Zuma.

"Eleven, if you count the years he repeated."

- END OF PARODY -


From the Mail and Guardian 24 October 2008

YCL slams publication of Malema's matric results The Young Communist League (YCL) has condemned the publication of African National Congress Youth League president Julius Malema's matric results in a daily newspaper on Friday.

"The YCL is concerned [about] the continued venomous and systematic attacks directed against ANC Youth League president Julius Malema," the YCL said in a statement.

The Star published the youth leader's results where he allegedly scraped through matric with an H in maths and a G in woodwork, both on standard grade.

The YCL said it was disgusted by the leaking of the results to the media, and "this undermines the confidentiality of academic records between the student and educational authorities".

It said this provided a prima facie case that needed to be answered by education authorities in "malicious attacks aimed at destroying the political career of the ANCYL president".

According to the Star report, Malema obtained Es in Sepedi HG (higher grade) and second-language Afrikaans HG, an F in Geography HG, a D in History SG and a C in second language English HG.

"The publication of these results is nothing else but a political strategy to implant the notion that to be a good leader you must be 'certificated'," said the YCL. (not a parody)

The league said it believed "firmly" in the view that a leader's educational intellect was organically cultivated and linked to his or her practical experiences and interactions with the ordinary people on a daily basis.

Malema has previously admitted that he had failed both grades eight and nine, but said this was because he could not contain his excitement about joining the Congress of South African Students (Still not a parody)
Source

0 Opinion(s):