Sunday, August 31, 2008

Black Men Can't Drive

Come now, you’ve been thinking the same thing for a very long time.

Hell – even if you are a black man I am willing to bet one rigged Zimbabwean election that the same thought has crossed your mind on more than one occasion, maybe even today.

Make no mistake, this flagrant generalisation is not limited to men only, the ladies are just as bloody awful.

“It’s called an indicator and yes, you can use it.”

Taxis, new BEE millionaire 4X4’s, driven by the (apparently blind) wives of South Africa’s bubbling elite, rich dads, poor dads, students and spoilt brats – laws of the road? Ever heard of them?

How about some courtesy, manners and order?


Apparently any spot on any road is a drop off point, who cares about the rush of traffic behind you – if you want to stop you can, and should – all you need to do is flash your emergency lights and the rest of the planet will sing to your tune. You own the road, after all.

In danger of missing the offramp? No worries. Accepted practice is to swerve from the right-hand-lane straight across the highway and shove your way in at the front of the queue. You then give the hooting imbecile (oblivious to your importance) behind you the obligatory middle finger… “stupid umlungu, no manners”.

It is also common practice to never-ever-ever say thanks when given space by another driver. You don’t have to. Politeness is a province in Guam and, in case you haven’t noticed, we don’t live there. Aikôna, this is Africa my friend and here we don’t have to acknowledge acts of civility.

Here we drive onwards, forward, on our never-ending quest to celebrate the phenomenal creations that we are. Why look before changing lanes? Others have eyes too you know and, frankly, we are now in that time where those others must bloody-well look where you are going, anticipate every erratic turn, stop, swerve.

People should also accept the fact that you are not a person of half-measures. It’s all or nothing when your royal highness hits the tarmac… What will it be today? Breakneck speed or practically standing still? Why drive 70 in a 60 zone if you can do 130 or 35? It just makes no sense.

When YOU are in a rush seas should part, traffic lights considered green and stop signs recognised as figments of the imagination. When you are chilling, grooving to the tunes and kicking back, the rest of the world should damn-well follow suit – and be grateful for it. Yes people, black men can’t drive.

If you take offence to this statement then I suppose you also take offence to the notion that whites are generally racist, refugees are generally criminal and that western governments generally want the rob the African people of their rights.


3 Opinion(s):

Robert said...

You hit a bit of a sore point with me on this one. Agreed the "new millionaires" certainly have no idea on how to drive. But the idea that motorists (black, white, other) have manners is a figment of your imagination. I actually count now, who lets the other motorists into the traffic in rushhour... White Men! That's right... they seem to be the only ones that actually have manners. Oh... and I'm excluding anyone in a VW there... they are THE worst drivers - end of discussion.

Next time anyone is in traffic, take note. And hopefully you prove me wrong... doubt it though.

Unknown said...

I think it has less to do with driving and more to do with life in general.

White people treat each other with respect. Where as, Blacks treat each other as disrespectfully as possible.

Two different perspectives on life. In the South, it seems as though the white perspective has been the correct one.

JK said...

How many F1 or WRC black drivers have you ever seen ? By the way, I'm not racist, I just recognize differencies between races and I love black people for what they've done to sport and music. Peace from Poland!