Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Julius Malema's Top 10 Responses To Tricky Money Questions

8 Opinion(s):

Viking said...

hilarious!!!

Dachshund said...

Ha ha! Drumroll for the next comedian ...

Vavi's kiss of death

Jeremy Gordin asks what's got into the COSATU general secretary

Actually (or, as we say in Seffrica, ecshilly) I'm a humble enough fellow; I can admit, without having to be hauled before a media tribunal, that I don't have the nous, the analytical capabilities, of, say (off the top of my head), Steven "the babe magnet" Friedman or Professor Anthony Butler.

For example, when it comes to Zwelinzima "Zweli" Vavi, the Cosatu magnifico, I ought to be cogitating on what possessed an ostensibly intelligent man to spearhead a plan for a classic "command" economy - a caricature of Stalinist thinking - of the sort that finally collapsed 30 years ago.

I ought to be asking where Vavkele's been living. Has he never heard of Eskom? Has he never been to the public toilet at the Johannesburg magistrate's court? Has he never visited a rural school? Has he never been to the Charlotte Mxenge Johannesburg Hospital?

My point - in case you or the general secretary missed it - is that while the state and related organisations didn't do too badly at organising the soccer jamboree and making a lot of money for Septimus Bluster and the lads, when it comes to anything else, the state and related organisations couldn't organise a proverbial piss-up in the proverbial brewery - or, as I sometimes say to my wife, they couldn't organise a shtup in a brothel.

So why would an ostensibly intelligent person want to destroy the mining, metal and petrochemicals sectors by giving them the nationalisation kiss of death?

The state-owned bank for poor people, I don't mind, though I must say that I thought it already existed: what else is Absa? A progressive tax system that whacks the "super-rich"? Well, it wouldn't affect me anyway and, from what he's written, it'd really irritate Justice Malala. And it'd probably annoy the Guptas and Zuma. So all in all it's okay with me.

But what about this thing of using the government's Expanded Public Works' Programme to create full-time jobs? Firstly, how many more soccer stadia can we build? Second, what makes Cosatu think that people want to work? It reminds me of a joke from Israel ...

In Israel, as you might know, they don't work on Saturdays but they do work on Sundays. So some years ago there was something of a national debate about making Friday (which was already pretty much a half-day) a free day and introducing a five-day working week. An intrepid reporter therefore went to one of the more stupid Israeli statesmen (and they have a few) - oh yeah, it was David Levy - and asked: "Sir, what do you think of a five-day work week?"

"Gently, gently, habibi," responded Levy, "don't rush things, don't pressure people. First let's have a one-day work week, then afterwards a two-day work week, and so on ..."

Dachshund said...

Vavi's kiss of death

Jeremy Gordin asks what's got into the COSATU general secretary

Actually (or, as we say in Seffrica, ecshilly) I'm a humble enough fellow; I can admit, without having to be hauled before a media tribunal, that I don't have the nous, the analytical capabilities, of, say (off the top of my head), Steven "the babe magnet" Friedman or Professor Anthony Butler.

For example, when it comes to Zwelinzima "Zweli" Vavi, the Cosatu magnifico, I ought to be cogitating on what possessed an ostensibly intelligent man to spearhead a plan for a classic "command" economy - a caricature of Stalinist thinking - of the sort that finally collapsed 30 years ago.

I ought to be asking where Vavkele's been living. Has he never heard of Eskom? Has he never been to the public toilet at the Johannesburg magistrate's court? Has he never visited a rural school? Has he never been to the Charlotte Mxenge Johannesburg Hospital?

My point is that while the state and related organisations didn't do too badly at organising the soccer jamboree and making a lot of money for Septimus Bluster and the lads, when it comes to anything else, the state and related organisations couldn't organise a proverbial piss-up in the proverbial brewery - or, as I sometimes say to my wife, they couldn't organise a shtup in a brothel.

So why would an ostensibly intelligent person want to destroy the mining, metal and petrochemicals sectors by giving them the nationalisation kiss of death?

The state-owned bank for poor people, I don't mind, though I must say that I thought it already existed: what else is Absa? A progressive tax system that whacks the "super-rich"? Well, it wouldn't affect me anyway and, from what he's written, it'd really irritate Justice Malala. And it'd probably annoy the Guptas and Zuma. So all in all it's okay with me.

But what about this thing of using the government's Expanded Public Works' Programme to create full-time jobs? Firstly, how many more soccer stadia can we build? Second, what makes Cosatu think that people want to work? It reminds me of a joke from Israel ... In Israel, as you might know, they don't work on Saturdays but they do work on Sundays. So some years ago there was something of a national debate about making Friday (which was already pretty much a half-day) a free day and introducing a five-day working week. An intrepid reporter therefore went to one of the more stupid Israeli statesmen (and they have a few) - oh yeah, it was David Levy - and asked: "Sir, what do you think of a five-day work week?"

"Gently, gently, habibi," responded Levy, "don't rush things, don't pressure people. First let's have a one-day work week, then afterwards a two-day work week, and so on ..."

Dachshund said...

Jeremy Gordin asks what's got into the COSATU general secretary

Actually (or, as we say in Seffrica, ecshilly) I'm a humble enough fellow; I can admit, without having to be hauled before a media tribunal, that I don't have the nous, the analytical capabilities, of, say (off the top of my head), Steven "the babe magnet" Friedman or Professor Anthony Butler.

For example, when it comes to Zwelinzima "Zweli" Vavi, the Cosatu magnifico, I ought to be cogitating on what possessed an ostensibly intelligent man to spearhead a plan for a classic "command" economy - a caricature of Stalinist thinking - of the sort that finally collapsed 30 years ago.

I ought to be asking where Vavkele's been living. Has he never heard of Eskom? Has he never been to the public toilet at the Johannesburg magistrate's court? Has he never visited a rural school? Has he never been to the Charlotte Mxenge Johannesburg Hospital?

My point is that while the state and related organisations didn't do too badly at organising the soccer jamboree and making a lot of money for Septimus Bluster and the lads, when it comes to anything else, the state and related organisations couldn't organise a proverbial piss-up in the proverbial brewery - or, as I sometimes say to my wife, they couldn't organise a shtup in a brothel.

So why would an ostensibly intelligent person want to destroy the mining, metal and petrochemicals sectors by giving them the nationalisation kiss of death? The state-owned bank for poor people, I don't mind, though I must say that I thought it already existed: what else is Absa? A progressive tax system that whacks the "super-rich"? Well, it wouldn't affect me anyway and, from what he's written, it'd really irritate Justice Malala.

But what about this thing of using the government's Expanded Public Works' Programme to create full-time jobs? Firstly, how many more soccer stadia can we build? Second, what makes Cosatu think that people want to work? It reminds me of a joke from Israel ... In Israel, as you might know, they don't work on Saturdays but they do work on Sundays. So some years ago there was something of a national debate about making Friday (which was already pretty much a half-day) a free day and introducing a five-day working week. An intrepid reporter therefore went to one of the more stupid Israeli statesmen (and they have a few) - oh yeah, it was David Levy - and asked: "Sir, what do you think of a five-day work week?"
"Gently, gently, habibi," responded Levy, "don't rush things, don't pressure people. First let's have a one-day work week, then afterwards a two-day work week, and so on ..."

Dachshund said...

Zwelinzima Vavi is just as big a yutz. Are there any brain cells rubbing together at all between the ANC, ANCYL and Cosatu? (The SACP has always been totally brain dead.)

Krokodil said...

Who's more stupid, Homer or Julius? It's a close call...

Exzanian said...

Pis myself lol!

Dachshund said...

Don't know what happened there, Vanice, blogger kept telling me the text I copied from Jeremy Gordin's blog was too long so I kept editing and trying to post again and then I gave up. The first one is correct.
Thanks.