Now here's a big topic!
One consequence of greater integration following the end of Apartheid is the increase in numbers of "mixed couples", particularly in the Cape but also in Gauteng and other parts of the country. It is still, however, a major taboo.
I found an article from an African-American blogger called Abagond. Or rather, two articles. Both are brief but are significant in that the first concluded simply that white men are (booo!) racist while women and all other races aren't.
White men with black women are not as common in America as you might expect. Even though an eighth of American women are black, fewer than one married white man in 400 has a black wife! That cannot be an accident. Compare that to how many have Asian wives: about one in 100 – even though there are way fewer Asian women.
Given the numbers of white, black and Asian women there are in America and looking at who white men marry, you can work out how much they like different kinds of women as wives:
- 132: white women
- 100: American women in general
- 23: Asian women
- 2: black women
So why do so few white men marry black women?
Here are some reasons that you hear:
- Lack of opportunity: Most white men live in a nearly all-white world. Most know only a few black women.
- Lack of education in black women: White men look for women with the same level of education. That limits the number of black women they might date and marry even further.
- Lack of good looks in black women: Most white men think black women are not all that good looking when compared to white women. That comes across in their phrase “good-looking for a black girl”. And you see it in their lists of beautiful women on the Internet: they have few if any black women and those they do have tend to be light-skinned. An amazing-looking black woman can walk right by a white man without him batting an eye.
- Lack of friendliness of black women: White men tend to see black women as being hard to get along with – the Sapphire stereotype. It is just not worth the trouble.
- Lack of acceptance among white friends and family: White men are afraid of what their friends or family will say. Whites are less accepting of mixed relationships, especially mixed marriages, than blacks are.
- Lack of desire among black women: Among Americans, black women are the least likely to marry outside their race.
Which seems a bit of a logical leap to me.
It is white people who stick most to their own kind, not black women – or even Asian men.
The other reasons have some truth to them, but notice how they never seem to blame white men.
They all avoid the simplest reason of all, the one that you hardly ever hear:
- White men are racist: They do not want their sons and daughters to be black. Not because their parents are against it, not because their friends are against it, not because white society is against it – because they themselves are against it!
So, Abagond sets off to educate herself, reading a 2002-4 study from Columbia University on the subject of race and dating. She came up with a "part II" to her article on race, summing up the findings of the study thus:
The Columbia study meanwhile found that while men are dogs and only care about looks, not race, women prefer men of their own race. Women, not men, apply race to dating.The final paragraph is telling:
Yet on the other hand I cannot shake from my mind the way white men, at least in New York, act as if black women are not living, breathing women. Like some of the white commenters, they see them as black first and women second – if at all.So, the author chooses to lay the findings of the study aside and run with a 'feelings'-based conclusion that white men must be racist after all.
Is there a relationship between dating (or not dating) and racism?
Well, "progressives" say not. According to Racism 101, a broad set of guidelines on Racism from a liberal so-called "antiracism" perspective (summary: all white people are racist white supremacists and non-white people cannot be racist), dating a non-white person does not make you a non-racist (rule 9). So, presumably, not dating a non-white person does not make you a racist?
Basically, whether or not you date outside your own ethnicity gives no indication as to whether or not you're racist. I fundamentally disagree. If you date inside your own race, it gives no indication. But if you date outside, it makes a statement that you are not racist. The Columbia study backs this up - we care more about looks, education and personality than we do about race.
One problem lies with those who date outside their own race for the express purpose of trying to show others how unracist they are. This is fundamentally racist, because you are using your partner as a fashion statement. It also carries the implication that if you have to actually date a person to prove how unracist you are, you are buying into the false ideology that you are a big racist in the first place.
In conclusion: it's all about personal preference, not racism.