Saturday, May 29, 2010

Some Latinised Names You Won't Find In Any Ordinary Biology Text Book




I don't know about the lot of you, but I read a lot of MAD magazines as a kid. Instead of doing my homework, I read hundreds of them on weekends during my formative years (What, me worry?) It was a hilarious treat and I was amazed that the yanks were so outspoken and free. They could criticise what they wanted (mostly their own government) and almost how they wanted to, without censure.

A little of the same freedom of expression came South Africa's way in the eighties with
Pieter Dirk Uys, aka Evita Bezuidenhout, who, as the ambassador to a fictitious homeland in ZA named Bapetikosweti, lampooned the ruling Nationalist white government, and also white liberals of the time (He put the words in the mouth of a Kugel "There are two things wrong with South Africa: one's apartheid and the other's black people)

It was seeds such as these that created an appreciation and respect within my mind of the freedom of expression. It really is sacrosanct and within certain limits, nothing else counts!

Over the last few years, it is David Bullard and Zapiro that continued the tradition and renewed the licence to say what we want, in a satirical context. I am dismayed that this freedom is under threat by the ANC and creeping political correctness.

I will fight against it.

I have prepared a little collage depicting characters in the current Southern African context, living in the "jungle" that we find there. It's a "jungle" largely inhabited by a particular species of humanity, known as velcroidus. Make of it what you will, I will call it satire....

See if you can spot the characters in my collage....or, as MAD magazine would say "Read on and you will see exactly what we mean"

Velcroidus disgustibus


An unremarkable, commonplace species making up the bulk of the Velcroidus genus. It is passive in most cases but often can become restive and, if provoked, can be very destructive. It displays an extreme aversion to soap and water. Velcroidus Disgustibus is easily identified by it’s unique reek of rotting guava. CAUTION: Potentially hazardous in confined spaces such as elevators and public toilets.

Velcroidus horriballus

A loathsome and notorious dominator species. It will grow massive roots and take over all available land, killing off every other species, including it’s own offspring if threatened. As it grows it leaves a trail of toxin that will destroy previously arable land. No antidote exists for it’s potent poison which readily combines with those of a similar strain.

Velcroidus digitalis (mimicus)

These foragers are easily attracted by Hi-Tec digital devices. However, very few specimens have been found that can actually operate such devices without supervision. Research is continuing into this shy, reclusive species and there is some debate amongst experts whether this is a true species in it’s own right, or whether it’s cognitive traits are merely adaptations mimicking another species.

Velcroidus longevitus

Extremely hardy and tough, weedy type. It is almost impossible to rid yourself of this species, and many have been recorded with life spans of 90 years plus. A deadly hybrid can arise if cross bred with Velcroidus Horriballus. An individual case has been recorded demonstrating the hardiness of this beast. Despite severe ethyl alcohol poisoning over several decades and the transplanting of two livers, the specimen under study only expired after 69 years. Extreme caution is advised!

Velcroidus satanitus

A dangerous and malignant species. It seeks out and kills wantonly and is notorious for it’s gratuitous attacks on other species. The Nature vs Nurture debate is currently in vogue, with experts on the one hand claiming that the ubiquitous murderous traits in this species are inherited, whilst others cite colonialism, oppression and poverty as the causes.

Velcroidus retardus

A useless parasite, this odious species has no Central Nervous System of it’s own and will infiltrate any other available species, replicate it’s own junk DNA, and eventually kill off it’s host. This creature is particularly dangerous as it has the uncanny ability to attract vast hordes of Velcroidus Disgustibus, which it will use to do it’s bidding. It is speculated that Retardus, if unchecked, will transmute into Horriballus over a period of time.

Velcroidus innocentus

Renowned for it’s ability to avoid conflict, this chameleon like animal is a robust and tough little critter. It has a Teflon like coating and all attempts thus far to capture one have failed. It was previously hoped that this species would keep the spread of Retardus in check, but latest field reports indicate that it’s grip is faltering. Experts warn of a complete breakdown in the ecosystem as the current outbreak of Retardus quickly develops into Horriballus.

3 Opinion(s):

FishEagle said...

Ha ha! Brilliant! For even more authenticity with the latin names you should change the first letter in the second word to lower case. Scientific names are written in the following format:

Velcroidus horriballus (all in italics, not sure how to do that in my comment.)

Exzanian said...

Okee dokee done.
Thanks to H vocifer, my guardian angel :)

FishEagle said...

That's me! :-D