Yum, yum, yum....feast your eyes on some news about US news network viewership! A little good news was in order this Easter Weekend.
By Angry White Dude
CNN, PUT THOSE LIBERAL DOGS IN THE POUND!
CNN bigwigs know they’re in deep Dukakis. Ratings for their prime-time news shows are down by half in the past year! Half!Which means their entire viewership consists of a few thousand tortured ex-hippies, a few Code Pink and NOW lebanese womerns, and a guy named Bob in Madison, Wisconsin. CNN could be the first news network to be on first-name basis with their viewers!
Realizing that CNN is spending millions on news programs and on-air talent that has less viewers than The Sewing Channel, the geniuses in charge float an idea for a new show. One that is Earth shaking and will guarantee millions of new viewers will have their noses pressed to CNN to watch! Ready? It’s a show with MSNBC’s libtard David Shuster and some tool woman from NPR! In other words, it’s exactly the same hack leftist show on every mainstream media channel 24/7. Two questions come to mind:
1. Why am I poor when idiots running CNN are rich?
2. How does one get and keep a job running CNN?
Let’s analyze this from a bidness perspective.
Fact: CNN’s ratings are pitiful and continue to fall
Fact: Fox News ratings continue to skyrocket with their best quarter ever.
Fact: Fox has no competition on the fair/conservative news side since AWD [Angry White Dude] Television Network ran into a financial problems and wasn’t launched.
Fact: CNN’s investors would like to make a dollar and a dime on their investments
Evaluating at the above business facts from AWD’s learned NC State business education, I would surmise that CNN is in deep sh*t and the boss running things over there better start leaning on Hopenchange for a cush appointment job for payback of all the free propaganda services over the years! Putting a new show with the same old libtards is going to get CNN exactly nothing. The answer is so easy that anyone…except a liberal…can see it. AWD will share some of that deep NC State (the Harvard of Raleigh) knowledge:
Unless it is a personality-driven show, report the news on a neutral basis, give both sides of the story and never let the viewer know what side the reporter or anchor personally stands.I realize that formula is as difficult as curing cancer for liberals. But that is pretty much the Fox formula. Unless it’s a personality show like Beck, they nearly always have a lib and a conservative to give their views on the given topic. Why does the mainstream media cede the entire independent and conservative audience to Fox? Simple. Because they are libtards, they are stupid and they suck.
CNN would be wise to put AWD on camera to go nose to nose with their commie reporters and anchors. I’ll blitzkreig Wolf Blitzer if he’s still around! For CNN to point their numbers northward, they must put ratings and money over political ideology. Let’s face it, it’s not a good time to be a liberal…anywhere. That stuff just doesn’t work! Neither does CNN’s programming!
Go ahead CNN! Put an AWD and Tea Party show on and watch it be your highest rated show in less than two months. You will bring in huge numbers of conservative viewers who are sick of Fox and their crap. Beat Fox at their own game! Put on a CNN version of Glenn Beck..only wiser and sexier! And also doesn’t cry all the time.
But what do I know….I’m not a liberal news boss with ratings lower than the morals of a drunk Mexican! But hey, you could put a suit on a mop and finish dead last for a lot less money. Liberals! They just don’t get it! Maybe they should go back to school at the Harvard of Raleigh!
Here’s some stories about genius moves at CNN: