Thursday, April 01, 2010

The ANC Dictionary, a Work-in-Progress

This was sent in by a reader. We may edit this as we go along :)

hat tip: Donatello

Hi Guys,

I thought having an ANC Dictionary at hand would help foreigners
understand our government a lot better. Hence, here is version 1.0 of
the ANC Dictionary, feel free to comment!

- Aids
A form of sickness which is produced from the breaths of white people
(racists). Can generally be cured by killing white babies for Which
Doctor muti (medicine), raping white woman, eating beetroot and garlic,
or showering after having sex with an aids infected victim.

- Apartheid
A system with which whites used to separate themselves from blacks, a
system that at all times is vigorously revenged with the spilling of
blood up to the point where there will finally be no more white people
left. Generally not compared to the history of genocide between black
tribes in Southern Africa over the last 100,000 years.

- Black
Generally considered to be a person who can do no wrong, colour not to
be mentioned in news reports or police dockets when performing illegal
activities. If said person enjoy mass murdering tendencies it is
directly the fault of Apartheid.

- Boer
Mostly descendants of the Dutch Calvinist, Flemish and Frisian Calvinist
as well as French Huguenot, often referred to as "White Devils", "White
Pigs" or simply "whites". Also referred to as Rapists, but not in the
good form (see Rape below). The only good Boer is a dead Boer and hence
Boer people do not form part of Nelson Mandela's often praised yet
little executed reconciliation attempts between blacks and whites.

- Coconut
Black on the outside but white on the inside. Considered the worst kind
of black person on the planet by blacks, also accused of being counter
revolutionary, moderates or white boeties (white brothers). Coconuts
generally live by and believe in the standards set by westerners, these
standards include values such as being civilised, honest and not killing
one another, hence they are deeply frowned upon as they tend to slow
transformation efforts.

- Comrade
A black friend who generally hates whites, unless said white have got
some money, then they are lesser hated. When used within political
reference a comrade is a person who uses many African style dictatorship
policies to oppress other blacks, but for their own good. A good comrade
constantly mentions the words in the ANC dictionary to make sure that
other blacks understand what they are struggling for.

- The word Mean, Meant or Meaning
We say what we mean and we mean what we say, a well known phrase used by
members within the ANC. This is true unless the song "Kill the Boer,
Kill the Farmer" is sung, in which case it does not mean what it says.

- Nationalisation
This is considered the fair taking of everything white owned and
redistributing it to a few black beneficiaries in government positions.
See also, Zimbabwefication. Also works as a great tool to scare British
Royals into selling their souls to the ANC in order to keep an ever
decreasing level of control over the South African mines.

- Progress
Progress is made when a handful of blacks who were abused and who was
without jobs in Apartheid years have now increased by a million fold to
over 25 million starving and malnourished children and workers with no
means of income. Also known as Zimbabwefication. Statistics exclude
those arriving from Zimbabwe who are said to be enjoying their new
lifestyles so much that they can not wait to visit South Africa to tell
the South African people how much fun they are having "back in Zim".

- Racist
Any non black person, especially one who is white. As with apartheid
this word can be used for any excuse, form of abuse and intimidation.
Any form of white is generally considered racist, this includes white
clouds, the white rhinoceros, white paper, white teeth and coconuts (on
the inside).

- Rape
The process in which Woman, Babies and various forms of animal life are
conditioned for the rich and colourful African lifestyle. The rarity of
rape cases (150 reported cases per day in South Africa) allows for rape
to consist of various deeper meanings than the mere act of fornication
with an unwilling subject. For example, gang raping a white woman could
either cure you from aids or make the rapist's (Conditioning Officer's)
life less of a Struggle (TM). Killing the white woman afterwards is
frowned upon since it leaves fewer white females to be raped later on.
Black woman are considered "convenience" rapes. The raping of animals, a
new form of reconditioning might fall under a new taxation law in the
near future once the ANC government have studied the conditioning methods.

- Struggle Song (TM)
Any song where white people are told that they will be killed. Not to be
taken literally by any white person, it is just a "manner of speech",
i.e. what is sung is not meant.

- TAX
A currency that is mostly provided by white people still living in South
Africa; also known as retribution money. TAX generally is considered to
be of infinite supply and can hence be spent on anything from
multi-million dollar sports cars, to 5 star holidays in white owned
holiday destinations, to private protection against other comrades and
of course for the use of female holes (Refer to the term Woman below).

- Transformation
Generally refers to BEE (Black Economic Empowerment) and defines the
exclusion of white people from business and businesses, unless said
white people can be used to secure government contracts for your most
valued comrades. Also used for E-BEE (Enforced-BEE) which basically
equates to the raping of white females of any age and the killing of any
other person with a white skin and then taking their cell-phones and
wallets.

-VAT
Value Added Tax - This is a form of taxation where the South African
financial gurus (including 13 year old War Veterans, see below), insist
to one another is only paid by black people. This is the same form of
taxation which makes white people rich while they sit at home counting
their money. These financial gurus are of course also medical experts
and firmly believe in the curing of aids through the raping of white woman.

- War Veteran
Any black 13 year old boy with an AK47 are War Veterans, those enforcing
Transformation or E-BEE are Generals of the War Veterans.

- Woman
A person of the female species who have got multiple "holes". These
holes are generally considered of higher value than the females to which
they are attached. Presidential staff will pay considerable amounts of
TAX money for the use of these holes.

3 Opinion(s):

Treacle Bender said...

another word..maintenance..a word not recognised by the anc and therefore has no meaning attached..

Exzanian said...

My hat off to Donatello, this is bordering on genius! Luv it!

Adrian said...

Really enjoyed reading your dictionary. Probably the most accurate one I have read so far.

Cheers