Monday, February 01, 2010

Zuma love child: Zuma trying to breed a super-Julius

NKANDLA. Amid allegations that Jacob Zuma has fathered a 20th child, this time with a mistress, Zuma has confirmed that he is trying to single-handedly restock the ANC Youth League with his offspring and hopes to breed a "super-Julius". Julius Malema is reportedly "gutted" as he believed he was Zuma's only bundle of joy.

Speaking to the media this morning, Zuma explained that it was time to "spawn the ultimate revolutionary".

"We need a super-Julius: an anti-intellectual Afro-fascist stooge who carries my genes," said the President.

"Malema ticks the first two boxes, but blood is thicker than water. It's even thicker than Julius, and that's pretty thick."

According to the Presidency, the alleged love child had been a "good attempt" although ultimately useless as she was a girl.

Spokesman Paternity Shabangu explained that the ANC needed more baby boys.

"As Msholozi's sexual behaviour demonstrates, this is going to be patriarchal society for the next 500 years," he said.

Meanwhile Julius Malema and the ANC Youth League have greeted the allegations with "mixed emotions".

According to Malema, Zuma's efforts to restock the League's flagging membership were commendable, but he said he had been "gutted" by the news that Zuma was trying to replace him with genetically superior super-spawn.

"It made me sad and gave me an ow feeling in my tummy," said Malema.

"When I get sad I need to eat a lot. I ate a lot. Cupcakes, mostly. And a bucket of KFC.

"Now I still have an ow feeling in my tummy but maybe it is gas. I don't know. I just don't know any more."

2 Opinion(s):

Anonymous said...

A super kaffir!

AMB said...

Haha - love the line "...but blood is thicker than water. It's even thicker than Julius, and that's pretty thick".