Thursday, December 31, 2009

Ignore Hollywood Bullsh*t

Don't get excited about Avatar. It has caused a stir on the blogosphere because it's being interpreted as yet another 'noble savage' tale. Why go to the cinema to be lectured? Why watch a movie that makes you feel like crap?

For every moronic, preachy, self-righteous pile of shit that Hollywood sends out into the world, there's usually some genuinely decent hero-worshipping pro-good anti-evil material to get stuck into, and I'd like to compile some kind of list of must-see movies that we can actually stand behind and say, yeh, this is a great movie.

My list has to include the latest Rambo movie. It has everything. Bunch of dimwit do-gooders get sucked into jungle warfare, where the local barbarians are busy fucking everything up.

Enter our hero. Rambo shoots seven shades of shit out of the bad guys, and there are several really skin-shiveringly good moments, particularly near the end.

Another is Dogs of War, featuring Christopher Walken as part of a band of mercenaries sent into fictional African hellhole to stage a coup. This takes them about ten minutes of tearing up the useless, incompetent local army. Great stuff.

And one of my all-time favourites, Zulu, which is all the more impressive for being largely true. Michael Caine shows stiff upper lip in face of overwhelming enemy. Brave, ordinary soldier is the hero of the day, Thin Red Line does its job. Spiffing.

Any other suggestions?

I can only hope 2010 will produce something worth watching. As a suggestion, here is the movie I would like to see made this year:

"Jungle Jihad" (or something)


Evil Somalian pirates capture ship. On board is Julie (played by Diane Kruger), ex-girlfriend of former SAS guy John (played by Jason Statham), who gathers some of his old colleagues (played by Arnold Vosloo, Viggo Mortensen and some American one) to rescue her.

Hostages are taken to the Jihadi camp in Sudan, or -as the title suggests, in the jungle- where the terrorists/pirates await their ransom money. There are various outrages involved, terrorising nuns, that sort of thing, and lots of hand-wringing liberals trying to "negotiate", UN politicians snivelling and grovelling, etc.

The Special Forces guys have other plans, raid the complex, and most of the rest of the movie involves Jihadis getting blown up and killed in various horrible ways.

It needs some filling-in in parts, and lots of shots of Ms.Kruger, but I'd pay to see that movie.

7 Opinion(s):

Dachshund said...

Know what's a cool, happiness inducing movie worth grabbing a dvd of?

Mamma Mia, starring Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth. Came out last year in August. Based on the most popular hits of Abba. Watched it two nights ago, it was such a joy and totally unexpected. I had no idea Meryl Streep could sing so well.

My Beethoven music loving husband says Ludwig couldn't have composed the music better himself. I'm a major Ludwig fan too. Abba music is very structured, with no redundant phrases.

Viking said...

Yes, I've seen it twice. Very feel-good!
Not nearly enough explosions, but well worth watching.

Jack said...

My wife dragged me off to see Rainbow Skellums the other night - DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE!!

Aside from being a very, very, very weak ripoff of the Leon Schuster / Candid Camera movies, done by "actors" with very little talent, the movie starts with drivel by the lead idiot on how we are such a wonderful rainbow nation. When I hear the words "rainbow nation" I want to puke. You have intelligent life, and then you have nigger filth and stupidity. No chance of a rainbow nation here then is there?

By the way, I enjoyed Avatar, even though I had to look past the noble savage BS bits.

Dachshund said...

Jack: South Africa has always made kak movies, Leon Schuster's cheesy crap included.

We watched District 9 on dvd a week or so ago. What a load of drivel, a monumental bore. If that's the best South Africans can do, then rather forget it. (I realise it wasn't a wholly SA production, Americans were involved too, but what kak.)

Vanilla Ice said...

@Dachs. I have to agree with you on that one. District 9 was a load of crap. But then again, I'm not much of a Star Wars freak either.

Anonymous said...

Actually, on District 9, I beg to differ. It's main purpose was to discretely draw the attention of the world to several problems which bedevil the "New" South Africa, such as the horrific level of brutal crime, the unworkability of racial integration and the porous border policy, which has led to the influx of nasty drug lords from the rest of Africa, notably Nigeria.

Given the extreme PC climate that functions to censor the truth, and which is very powerful in the western media especially the film industry, this had to be approached metaphorically, really as a kind of allegory. I think it opened more than a few eyes.

Anon.

Leifur said...

Well, we that know what is going on, know what we are seeing in District 9, but most people only see it as bad white people still using Apartheid.

But anyway, I do agree about the new Pokahontas movie, um I mean Avatar. It ended badly for human kind, giving the enemies access to human far-advanced technology. That could be dangerous in the future. But of course we know that story, as we have seen it before.

But one movie I wan´t to see with a better theme is Red Scorpion with Dolph Lundgren. And then there are two or three Mel Gibson movies with good message, for example The Patriot, We Were Soldiers and Acopalypto.

Leifur