Friday, December 04, 2009

Tiger Woods jokes

Apparently, the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said, “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”

If the only person that can beat Tiger is a blonde with big breasts, it’s time for Phil Mickelson to bleach his hair.

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

What was Elin doing out at 2.30 in the morning? Clubbing

Why did Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant AND a tree? He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday? To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.

What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.

Tiger drives very well on the fairway but doesn’t fare very well on the driveway.

Whats the difference between a golf ball and a caddy? Tiger can drive a golf ball.

Nike wants to drop their endorsement due to accuracy problems. Apparently, Tiger’s spraying his balls everywhere.

It turns out that fixing Tiger’s game and fixing his marriage both require the same thing: better control over his putz.

Why was Tiger’s wife mad at him? She heard that he played a-round in Australia.

What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence? TIGER’S WIFE MAKES THE CUT

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family. Cheetah.

Elin Woods has a twin sister named Josephine. Know how to tell them apart? Elin is the one holding the bent 5 iron.

What do Tiger and the Beatles have in common? They both experienced a hit with Norwegian Wood.

First words spoken to the paramedics by Tiger: Who are you? And what are all these trees doing in my living room?

Tiger Wood’s shirt is all red- problem is, there’s no tournament, and his veins are a pint low.

What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They’ve both been clubbed by a Norwegian.

3 Opinion(s):

rakeback said...

Funny! The truth is that if you are talented enough, people will overlook your shortcomings unless you have committed a terrible crime.

Ranger Tom said...

You know, when this first broke on the news here... I only live about 70 miles from where he lives, so it made the local nightly news...

The reporter said that he'd hit a fire plug and a tree at 3 in the morning, and when the police arrived his wife was standing by him with a golf club I automatically knew what had happened!

She was chasing out of the house with a 9 iron because he can't keep his pecker in his pants!

Steph said...

His wife is soooo beautiful!!! i would've never thought he'd done that!!
Boob Job