Monday, December 07, 2009

The Rapture Is Nigh: 2011 To Be Exact


Seems we needn't have to worry about SA, post world cup; or the effects of global warming. The rapture is about to begin.

This just in. The Institute for Scriptural Geology in Waco, Texas, today offered “unswerving support and fervent prayers” for the scientists caught up in Climategate. Professor Elmer Moody, director of the institute, told a press conference: “We know what it’s like to have the integrity of our research questioned by unbelievers, so our hearts go out to those good folks at the East Anglican University.

“Our work proves conclusively that, once proper adjustments are made by adding up the numbers in the Book of Daniel, the geological record shows that the Earth is 6,000 years old. Yet we have had to endure years of mockery from skeptics who refuse to accept that time is running out.” (The institute follows a strict premillennial dispensationalist timetable that forecasts the Rapture for 2011.)

The institute’s head of research, Dr Hiram J Sankey, added: “Science is complicated stuff, and from time to time the data have implied that the Earth may be older than a few thousand years old. But then we discovered that, by tearing the geological charts into strips, highly significant gaps in the fossil record appeared. That was a neat trick, huh?”

Prof Moody added: “I think my distinguished colleague is using ‘trick’ in the technical sense, to mean a divinely inspired methodological innovation that, you know, kinda tidies things up a bit.”

The professor was quick to dismiss claims that the institute’s publications were not peer-reviewed. “Why, that’s plain nonsense,” he said. “Hiram peer-reviews my papers, and I peer-review his. You journalists just don’t understand academia, do you?”

Source: The Telegraph

10 Opinion(s):

FishEagle said...

LOL! Very good.

Exzanian said...

Oh goody, I can't wait...

Vanilla Ice said...

Except I am not sure if it is a joke.

Exzanian said...

VI, luckily we have the BIBLE to refer to. In the BIBLE we can refer to the precious word of our LORD JESUS who says in Matthew 24:36:
"But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only."
Phew!! So don't worry, even JC doesn't know.

Dachshund said...

Exzanian, so now you're a lapsed atheist?

Exzanian said...

Dach, my comment was dripping with sarcasm...PRAISE HIM!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I think there are going to be A LOT of unhappy Christians when the hammer (and sickle) drops and they find themselves still here.

Anonymous said...

The picture of Mandela giving the black power salute at the head of this article, says it all.
He´s a racist of the worst kind, the worst kind being one who hides behind a veil of lies.
It wasn´t meant to be about white power or black power. It was meant to be about justice for all.
We got had, big time.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of the rapture, I invite all to read "The Newest Pretrib Calendar" and "Pretrib Rapture Dishonesty" on Google. Johann

Anonymous said...

And how about "Edward Irving is Unnerving," "Pretrib Expert John Walvoord Melts Ice," and "Pretrib Rapture - Hidden Facts" on Google? Karl