Sunday, September 13, 2009

Trapped in a Gary Larson Cartoon

- David Bullard exposes hypocrisy and describes how the natives are getting restless in ZA in his screamingly offbeat way!

I once wrote that living in South Africa was rather like being trapped in a Gary Larson cartoon. For those with a love of the surreal, things are getting better by the day. Commies are now arguing in public that they should be allowed to drive very expensive imported German limousines at the taxpayer's expense. Why should they be allowed to drive them? Simple. So that they can go back to the lumpen-proletariat and tell them all about it. After all, what sort of credibility can you possibly have as a commie leader warning the scruffy masses of the dangers of capitalism if you haven't tried it yourself? So now the comrades will be able to go to their people and say unto them....yeah verily, we have travelled in chariots with six litre V12 engines and it was terrible. We have had our rough hewn working bodies embraced in the finest leather and what did we get? We got blisters. We have sunk down into the seat with its electric massage switches and four zone climate control and we have hearkened unto the 24 speaker sound system and our ears have bled with pain. Comrades, we think this capitalism thing really sucks but we can't be absolutely certain about that until we have driven these cars for another three years.

If it's not the commies putting a smile on your face it's the striking South African Revenue Services (Sars) workers who at the time of writing had rejected a pay offer because it didn't have any danger money involved. I have a long standing fight with the racist (threw that in just for good measure) Sars people who still owe my company R28 000 from last year. They assessed me in my personal capacity as owing a bit of tax and my company as deserving of a R28 000 refund. Being the racists they are I had to pay my share in by last November but am still awaiting my R28 000. Needless to say I have had to sack all the staff at DaBull Transglobal Rubberware Enterprises because the money never came through. So the bad news is that even the tax collection system is collapsing, particularly if you happen to be a whitey waiting for a rebate. Presumably the danger pay is for the protective clothing they will need to buy should I and other disenchanted taxpayers decide to pay them a visit and use their heads for baseball practice.

Funniest of all though is our army who went on the rampage at the Union buildings for better pay and working conditions. I'm finding it very hard to get my head around this one because I always thought you got shot for disobeying orders in the army. But that's probably some outdated colonialist army I'm thinking about. In the modern South African army it's apparently quite OK to be mutinous unless you happen to catch the minister of defence on a bad day.

So what happens when we go to war? It's got to happen soon because we've now demonstrated to the world that an away game on SA soil might be beneficial for them. So the invading forces arrive and the SA army swings into action with a stayaway and a shoot to rule. The Tail Gunners and Allied Trades Union decides that their members didn't actually join the army to die for their country. They joined it because they didn't have the necessary skills for mining. So they want a 50% pay increase before they go into battle, a 20% bonus for every enemy shot and someone to clean out the trenches and tuck them into their bunks at night and tell them a story. Meanwhile the enemy laughs, CNN aims the cameras and the SA army is teased into submission by taunts that they are all a load of big girl's blouses. "Not playing" sulk the SA fighting force as the enemy wins with not a shot being fired. And who was the previous minister of defence? You got it. It was the man who formed a new political party to lead the country to a brave new world. You see what I mean about being trapped in a Gary Larson cartoon?

Source: Out to Lunch

4 Opinion(s):

Anonymous said...

I miss this guys writing. Then again he was labelled a racist by the powers that be and --- POOF --- he was gone.

What a pitty!


Excellent writing. Pitty Gary Larson has retired years ago. He would find new material in South
Africa to last for hundreds of years.

Doberman said...

@ anon 4:53, David Bullard is back writing for Richmark Sentinel. Click on the source link.

Doberman said...

Bullard is quite simply brilliant.