Malema wants W Cape flooded with blacks, doctors want Malema brain flooded with blood

JOHANNESBURG. ANC Youth League leader and ambassador for children with severe learning disabilities, Julius Malema, has defended his call on young black people from the Eastern Cape to flood the Western Cape to thwart arch-rival Helen Zille.

However, concerned South African doctors say they think Malema might not be using his brain correctly.

Malema, whose ongoing struggle against severe retardation has captured the hearts of South Africans, hit the headlines again on the weekend when he accused Helen Zille of trying to turn the Western Cape into a whites-only enclave, and said "more blacks and Africans" should migrate to the province from the Eastern Cape.

This morning Malema apologized to the Western Cape's coloured majority, saying that they had been more than useful tools of the liberation struggle, but now that they were no longer needed they were officially classified by the ANC as white.

He said that if any of them had any objections to being white they could take them up with the ANC's Office of Racial Classification, founded by Thabo Mbeki during the Second Paranoia of 2001. "The ANC is blind to race, but if you want us to prove it then we can do a pencil test," explained Malema.

Asked if he was likely to be rebuked by the ANC for yet another embarrassing statement mired in racist politics, Malema said that he would not. "No, no, that whole rebuke thing was only before the election," he said.

"We agreed that I would speak out in a democratic manner about anything that floated into my brain, and they would rebuke me to persuade the voting cattle, er, comrades, that they are firm disciplinarians.

"But we won, wena. Look it up on the Interweb. We got like 240 percent of the vote. So no, no more rebukes." However, not all South Africans are convinced that Malema's latest statement is attributable to his lovable imbecility.

According to a group of concerned doctors, Malema might be damaging his brain even further by not supplying it with enough blood. "Thinking: he's doing it wrong," explained Dr Fester Motseng. "Nobody is that backward. Nobody. I don't care if the Sister sat on your head when you were born and then she sat on your oxygen hose when you were in the ICU.

" He said he feared that Malema had never learned to use his brain correctly, first having suffered Bantu Education before joining the ANC which has overseen the dismantling of Bantu Education and the introduction of Democratic Sub-Bantu Non-Education.

"When you're in pre-school you learn that you have to keep your brain flooded with blood in order to keep it working," explained Dr Motseng. "That's why kids hang upside down all the time or force themselves to pass gas.

Both force blood to the head, which helps develop neural links." He said it was vital for Malema to start flooding his brain with more blood, either by hanging upside down or by forcing himself to pass gas.

"He shouldn't feel shy to do both in public, perhaps at a rally," said Dr Motseng. "In fact they wouldn't seem out of character at all."