Thirty-three random, and not so random, things about Johannesburg
By Robyn Dixon/ Los Angeles Times
1. Electric fences and security cameras on towering suburban walls.
2. Walls being rebuilt to make them 10 feet or 12 feet high instead of just 8.
3. Wide, manicured strips of lawn lining the streets, with concrete planters, pompom- shaped roses, hedges trimmed into fancy balls or cones. But no sidewalks.
4. Black people walking in the roads.2. Walls being rebuilt to make them 10 feet or 12 feet high instead of just 8.
3. Wide, manicured strips of lawn lining the streets, with concrete planters, pompom- shaped roses, hedges trimmed into fancy balls or cones. But no sidewalks.
5. White people not walking, but zipping around in fancy cars (preferred colour: silver).
6. Middle-aged maids wearing matching uniforms, kerchiefs and aprons in pastel colours: pink, pale blue, light green, buttercup yellow.7. Gardeners in navy-coloured overalls on their knees picking tiny weeds out of the cracks between driveway bricks.
8. Households with more than three dogs. We're talking six, eight, even 11 dogs.
9. Rich white men in new Mercedeses running red "robots" (the term for traffic lights).
10. Rich black men in new Mercedeses running red robots.
11. Traffic lights and street poles knocked over. Last night's accident debris -- glass and ripped-off bumpers -- scattered across intersections.12. Ragged men towing homemade trolley carts piled high with waste cardboard, searching the trash bins for more.
13. Traffic-light panhandlers with signs like "I'd rather be a beggar than a thief." Or "Please help. Poor old man." Or women begging with babies on their backs. Or little girls with hands extended.
14. People dashing helter-skelter across the roads.
15. Pedestrian accidents.
16. Plump women plodding along with huge bags on their heads.
17. Security men wearing military-style uniforms hired to guard just one house.
18. Black gardeners or maids walking their employers' dogs.19. Black gardeners or maids with their employers' dogs, standing on street corners, chatting happily in the sun.
20. Shopping mall restaurants where diners at one table are all one race, and the next table another race, and the next another.
20. Shopping mall restaurants where diners at one table are all one race, and the next table another race, and the next another.
21. Commuter minibuses blaring infectious music, the driver's hand trailing casually out the window.
22. Men getting a full head shave at sidewalk barber stalls.
23. Signs on suburban walls warning of "24-hour armed response" teams: private police forces with names such as Stallion and Tactical.
24. Large armed-response SUVs with spotlights on the roof plying the suburban streets day and night -- and guys inside with big guns and flak jackets.22. Men getting a full head shave at sidewalk barber stalls.
23. Signs on suburban walls warning of "24-hour armed response" teams: private police forces with names such as Stallion and Tactical.25. Pickup trucks, the back crammed with workmen -- on any road in any weather.
26. Dry wintry days with chilly winds blowing red dust.
27. Summery thunderstorms that dump inches of hail on the garden.
28. Burned-down thatched-roof houses.
29. Maids sitting on the lawns outside the high brick walls on a Sunday, their day off, because there's not much else to do once church is over.
30. Men selling straw brooms and ostrich-feather dusters in psychedelic colours, gate to gate.
31. Throngs of freelance parking-space spotters racing one another for clients in the streets around the Wanderers cricket stadium whenever there's a game.
32. Men sitting beside traffic lights making extraordinary sculptures of elephants, lions and antelopes -- any animal, really -- from wire and small colourful beads. Or making lampshades and wastebaskets out of shredded Coke cans.33. Homeless men in parks sitting by streams in their underwear after washing their clothes in the river, their clothes drying on rocks in the sun.

10 Opinion(s):
[Ooooppppsie Daisy! Sorry, I had the wrong 'Master Jack' link, correct one here.]
Master Jack---------------
SOS: From Westminster; with Cologne!! ;-)
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If I take a big step back, I often find that 'trying to help' when someone does not want to be helped, is a bit like the character in the movie, to which this song was the introduction.
Remember anyone?
-----------
MASTER JACK:
It's a strange, strange world we live in, Master Jack
You taught me all I know and I'll never look back
It's a very strange world and I thank you, Master Jack
You took a colored ribbon from out of the sky
And taught me how to use it as the years went by
To tie up all your problems and make them look neat
And then to sell them to the people in the street
It's a strange, strange world we live in, Master Jack
You taught me all I know and I'll never look back
It's a very strange world and I thank you, Master Jack
I saw right through the way you started teachin' me now
So some day soon you could get to use me somehow
I thank you very much and though you've been very kind
But I'd better move along before you change my mind
It's a strange, strange world we live in, Master Jack
You know how I feel as if I'll never come back
It's a very strange world and I thank you, Master Jack
You taught me all the things the way you'd like them to be
But I'd like to see if other people agree
It's all very int'resting the way you disguise
But I'd like to see the world through my own eyes
It's a strange, strange world we live in, Master Jack
No hard feelin's if I never come back
You're a very strange man and I thank you, Master Jack
You're a very strange man and I thank you, Master Jack
You're a very strange man and I thank you, Master Jack
Transcribed by Robin Hood
What biased, narrow minded idiot wrote this???
Anon: What biased narrow minded idiot wrote what?
The 'SA snapshots' piece was written by a writer for hte LA Times, Robyn Dixon.
Not sure what you think its narrow minded or idiotic, it says 'random, and not so random'.. implying, well 'random and not so random'..
Clarify, if you wish...
@Andrea. I don't know the movie, but I know the band. They were known as the Zombies before, at least some of them were members at one time. My father used to be the drummer for the Zombies for a short while.
Andrea - does anyone remeber? Without a doubt, saw them live in PE, 1977 - fond memories. Do you remeber "Pip" Freedman
" Daars n trein oppie stasie maar die fluitjie willie blaas nie, baas jack!" circa 1976.
Take a nostalagic trip.
http://www.springbokradio.com/PIPFREEDMAN.html
I really enjoyed this post. It made me miss South Africa with all its idiosyncracies. It's the way of life we know and love.
VI, et al: Answer: Actor.. and movie was..... .... jack!
Watch the actor clip, though it's a classic!!!
VI... Thats one of my favourite songs.. when i just ain't got a clue why the world is so strange...
What a coincidence your dad being a drummer for them as the zombies.. strange world!
Evokes some memories.
A few of my own:
1) At every robot, the street kids with squeejee dashing soapy water onto your windscreen, unsolicited.
2)Buying booze from a "shebeen" (usually the corner cafe) on Sundays because the bottle stores are (or were?) prohibited from selling liquor on Sundays.
3)Veld fires in Winter turn the landscape black and the air blue
4) Those tin shacks that sprouted up all around you, everywhere.
5) Magogo with soulful eyes selling roasted peanuts or roasted mielies over open coals, in the CBD.
6) Cruddy Asian shops selling the cheapest Chinese junk imports, no guarantee, no refund, no exchange.
7) The boy racer's in GTi's and BMW's with cheap "conversion" kits making a helluva noise
8) The dawn chorus which starts at 04H30 and sounds like a symphony by 06H00, preventing any further sleep.
9) That "stillness" of a perfect summer's day around 11H00, leading to massive thundershowers around
15H00
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