LILONGWE. Officials at the World Bank say Malawi is relying too heavily on exporting low cost unrefined children to child collector Madonna, and have urged the African nation to develop new value-added refined exports such as servile adults.
Madonna could not be reached for comment as she is currently haggling with parents in a remote rural village.
Recent figures released by the Malawian department of Trade and Industry showed that the export of children had become the country's third largest generator of foreign currency after marijuana and hand-carved chess sets.
A spokesman for the Ministry, Sparkles Kabinde, confirmed that since Madonna acquired David Banda the international demand for Malawian infants had "spiraled out of control".
"It's like the post-Christmas sales," he said. "We're actually having to pull babies out of their hands. You can't behave like that.
At least not until you've paid for the child." This morning World Bank spokesman Hans Tiet begged the Malawian government to reconsider its policies on selling children to American celebrities on the rebound.
"We're asking them to look at putting their adults up for adoption," he confirmed. "We know that there are thousands of families across the United States and Europe who have a huge amount of love to give a 25-year-old Malawian butler or cabana boy.
"Or if not love, at least a hutch out back by the woodpile and some blankets." Kabinde said the Malawian government agreed with Tiet in principle, but added that the export of skilled adults remained a pipe dream.
"We'd love to export skilled adults, but we don't have any," he said.
"Adults who can hold a broom or a spade are all working as gardeners for below minimum wage in South Africa, and those who aren't competent enough for brooms or spades are in government.
" Asked what was propping up the Malawian economy, Kabinde explained that there were 38 senior citizens who were not in South Africa or in government who were keeping the country afloat by carving chess sets.
He would neither confirm nor deny that genetically modified marijuana was also an important source of income, but he said he knew someone who knew someone who might know, depending on who was asking, and whether they were paying in Rands or dollars.