SACP happy to retain power without contesting election

PRETORIA.

The South African Communist Party has turned down an invitation to run in the 2009 general elections, saying it is happy to continue dictating government policy without having to worry about petty details like having people actually vote for it.

The party also reaffirmed its commitment to communism, saying it remained the only sure-fire way to get rich. Speaking to journalists at the party's headquarters in the broom cupboard of the ANC's Luthuli House, SACP spokesman Trotsky Mtombela confirmed that the party had been invited to contest the elections but had decided to remain a "non-representative non-party not constrained by the apathy of the proletariat".

"People have said we should have the courage of our convictions and go it alone," said Mtombela, "but we wish to stress that so far we have no convictions, only allegations.

" He added that the SACP was "perfectly content" dictating government policy without needing to test its popularity at the polls.

"The problem with voters is that they are much more difficult to lead around by the nose than senior ANC politicians," he explained.

"They ask difficult questions like,
'How can South Africa move towards communism when it depends entirely on the tax revenue from capitalists?' and
'When are you going to fix my shitty little RDP house?'

"That kind of question is just wildly unfair. ANC politicians don't ask questions like that. Instead they ask nice questions like,

'Would you like a piece of this tender action?' and
'Can I top up your drink there, Comrade?'"

He also rejected accusations that the SACP has enjoyed a parasitic relationship with the ANC. "'Parasite' is such an ugly word," he said. "We like to think that our relationship with the ANC is much more like the love a young woodland creature shares with its powerful mother-figure. "Which is why we will remain firmly attached to the teat of the mother sow, the African National Congress."

Meanwhile he said that the SACP leadership had recommitted itself to the ideology of communism during a weekend retreat at a luxury game lodge.

"You can say what you like, but South African communists continue to prove that communism is the only ideology that allows you to pull hefty monthly salaries, paid by the taxpayer, for doing pretty much nothing," said Mtombela.

"You don't have to woo voters, you don't have to listen to the complaints of your constitution, you don't even have to go to work because nobody is totally sure what your job is.

"It's money for nothing and the chicks for free."