SA President apologizes for shoddy quality of Dalai Lama lies

PRETORIA. South African President Kgalema Motlanthe has apologized for the shoddy quality of the lies surrounding the banning of the Dalai Lama, but has vowed to produce better lies in future.

"All the really great liars were purged with Mbeki," he explained. "The public needs to understand that it will take time to develop a new cadre of world-class liars."

According to the South African government the exiled Tibetan leader was refused an entry visa to the country because his presence would draw attention away from the 2010 World Cup.

Addressing the media this morning, President Motlanthe conceded that as lies went, the latest had been one of the feeblest offerings "for some years". "Initially we were going to say that the Dalai Lama was being refused entry because he's carrying the SARS virus," explained Motlanthe.

"We faxed the prototype lie through to Beijing, to the Commissar for African Assimilation, or as I like to call him, 'Boss', but he called back in about twenty minutes to remind us that SARS doesn't exist and that no-one has ever contracted any virus of any kind in China."

Motlanthe said that the purging of Thabo Mbeki and his allies had decimated the ANC's cadre of highly skilled liars. "We're only now realizing just how exceptional Mbeki's liars were," said Motlanthe.

"They came up with some incredible lies: a better life for all; there's no link between HIV and Aids; the elections in Zimbabwe were free and fair; South Africa is winning the war on crime; the arms deal was clean.

"When you lose people like that it takes time to fill the hole they leave behind." He said the ANC's current cadre of liars were "raw, untested, and not yet comfortable within an intellectual milieu".

Asked if that meant they were semi-retarded, Motlanthe said he did not wish to "bandy about unkind labels" but confirmed that many were more comfortable with exposing their buttocks and calling for the murder of political opponents than they were with sitting down and writing "long complicated sentences".

Meanwhile the Congress of the People has denied that it is made up largely of Mbeki's cadre of liars. According to COPE spokesman Minime Mbeki, nobody in the new party has ever told a lie.

"Which is why we're going to win 845 percent of the vote," added Mbeki. "And when we're in power we're going to end poverty by buying more submarines and we're going to cure Aids with potatoes.

We promise.

Really.

Seriously."