Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Willing buyer. Willing seller?

This morning I hit not one, not two, but three potholes!

“But why don’t you look where you are going?” some mampara will ask and I suppose the mampara would have a point in dry weather. Unfortunately, I couldn’t see the triplet hiding in the Great Lakes of Northern Johannesburg and proceeded to slam my front left tyre into their waiting arms.

I suspect two of the holes are secret entrances to Al Qaeda caves. I could swear I heard some loud shouting and random gunfire when I so expertly displaced the water with my three-month-old rubber.

Then again, this is Joburg and morning traffic to boot, so it could have been anyone firing off their AK 47s in support of legalising marijuana, prostitution, human trafficking or Reverend Zuma. Personally I plan on firing off three G5 cannon shells at noon in celebration of our favourite youth leader saying “nay” to a spot in parliament.

The fact that he got an invitation is a marvel of our time. I think it speaks volumes that a young man with such documented capacity for intellectual repartee can rise through the ranks to have a say in the running of this land. Somebody call Leon Schuster and ask him to tell us where the cameras are hiding, please.

At least Julius had the dignity to decline a seat amongst the “old people” – but that’s another story for another day when the sun is out and the circus is in town.

What are we going to do about the potholes ladies and gentlemen?

It is not good enough to simply put up a sign. We’ve covered this topic before, you know. Signs just don’t do the trick. Surely there should be some department that looks after the state of our roads? And please don’t tell me it’s the Joburg Roads Agency, you may as well tell me that George Bush was a misunderstood genius.

In fact, you may as well aim to convince me that Manto Tshabalala-Msimang does something useful with her days in the Presidency and that South African audiences give a damn about local talk shows. Please, dear God, can our broadcasting cadres get it into their heads that there simply aren’t enough genuine “celebrities” in the Rainbow Land worth interviewing?

Let’s rather get a show where all these ministers, and Deputy Generals, and police commissioners, and heads of something get on stage for a proper grilling by a variety of local folks – gatvol with years of non-delivery.

That would be interesting. Maybe one of these lofty characters can then explain to me whose damn job it is to make sure that driving on our roads does not resemble being on tour in Iraq and dodging RPG’s for a living. While they are at it they can also maybe shed some light on whose job it is to clear the rubbish from our overflowing bins?

Someone once told me there is a company called “Pikitup” that is responsible for it all. Then again, at that stage of the evening I was on a table wearing nothing but a banana-hammock and a face that screamed “intervention” – so I could be mistaken.

Anyway, if there really is such a company their name belies their activity. I would call for an official investigation but who’s going to monitor those doing the monitoring?

“Nobody” is the answer sisters, and that’s why I am offering to buy Julius Malema’s declined MP seat. Someone’s got to kick some ass around here, don’t you think?

0 Opinion(s):