Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Joost - the video

Warning article may offend

In the February issue of Marie Claire magazine a few of SA “celebrities” exposed their naked bodies to stand together against domestic violence and share the secrets of their relationship success, or just to go “ kaalgat for a good cause.” This naked type of exposure was started a few years back when a movie was made about a group very brave mature female charity workers in the UK who exposed themselves to the camera and made a calendar to create awareness for breast cancer. It worked pretty well and the idea has had new life breathed into it in the good ole SA, by Marie Clare magazine.

How ironic, that the main double spread photo feature is a picture of a very good friend of Joost van der Westhuizen, James “temper tantrum” Small’s ex-girlfriend and mother of his child, Christina Storm, frolicking with her new found love, the forgotten Munro ”Idols” Du Toit.

James was unavailable for comment but rumour has it he is not happy about his ex’s shenanigans. Munro should take great care for the next few months knowing James’s reputation as a peace loving man. What has it got to do with James you may ask, well I suggest you ask him for yourself.

Now call me stupid, but cavorting around naked with a hose-pipe on an overcast afternoon, to raise awareness of domestic violence, is as about effective as having naked pictures of Jacob Zuma and Julius Malema spraying each other with a garden hose to end taxi violence. Just the thought of it. However, it sold plenty of magazines.(I found one on a bus - remember Scope) If the magazine had run a feature on domestic violence without the pics it would not have sold as many copies. Nothing says as much about something as a good naked picture. Its art I tell you.

Nonetheless, the whole episode was not without controversy. The following clips from News24 were released before the magazine hit the shelves, and boy did it bolster sales. Brilliant marketing strategy is all I can say. I had forgotten about Munro, but alas I now remember him clothed on idols. No such thing as bad publicity. And the participating couples weren’t even paid for their contribution. How desperate are you for a little publicity and how cool is that for the magazine owners pockets? Read on.

"Christina (Storm) and I agreed with the purest and noblest intentions to participate in the Marie Claire photo session to raise awareness for violence against women."

So said the forgotten singer Munro du Toit, 27, on Monday, following the hoo-ha about the nude pictures of himself and Storm, his current girlfriend and a well-known model and actress.

"Now the whole thing has backfired and we have become the victims of exactly that (violence against women)." .

Especially the photograph of Du Toit spraying a naked Storm, photographed full-on, with a garden hose "has upset my family immensely", Du Toit said. I thought you were a boy, and judging by the pictures I have not seen, I hope that is a hose-pipe you are holding.

"Some of them have given me the dressing-down of my life. Our generosity has been abused. We did not receive a cent for the photo session." (boo f*cking hoo)

"My stipulations were clear: no photos below the waist of me or Munro may be used." (who's the boss?)

"That's not the issue here. We feel exploited," Storm said. (And we are going to ride this thing as long as possible, and start a group counselling session, then we will tour the world to tell others about the evils of appearing naked in a famous magazine and not getting paid for it!)

Now, the issue here is that apparently, the couples chosen were the top SA celebrity couples.

Big Problem, where are Joost and his beautiful barbie girl, Amore? This couple have been a liken to Posh and Becks, or at least the Saffrican equivalent. – oh pleaazzee!!! Amore said that, not me.
Now, one can only imagine what went on in the Van Der Westhuizen household. Amore, must have had a good word with Joosie because she was probably livid that they were not asked to appear in the magazine and in her mind, they epitomize the happy SA couple.

Remember, Joost is an honest (he had an affair behind his first wife’s back) hard working, loving, clean living, god fearing, family man. Amore will no doubt confirm that they were asked to appear in the magazine but they thought it was in bad taste or they couldn’t make it due to other commitments or any of a number of prescribed excuses. The truth is they were not invited to that party.

So back to the conversation pit at Jo’more Villa. I can only imagine Joosie telling Amore, don’t worry “my liefie” , I will fix things so that we are once again the talk of the town. Remember when he allegedly assaulted the man at one of those Saffrican koeksister music festivals for telling Amore she had nice breasts.(different words were used to describe the twins then- but inappropriate to repeat here) Joosie has always been there for Amore, and if anyone deserves to be photographed romping naked in the back yard with a hose-pipe in hand, it has to be the van Der "Becks"huizens.

But poor old quick thinking Joosie misunderstood Amore and was forced to go one step further with his surprize damage control program and viola, due to his acting prowess, he has become an overnight sensation with his well honed acting skills. Read on.

JOHANNESBURG - The sex scandal involving former Springbok scrumhalf Joost van der Westhuizen took several dramatic turns yesterday.

Van der Westhuizen, who was part of the triumphant 1995 World Cup Springbok team, reportedly intended to get an urgent court interdict (why
?) to watch the footage in which he is allegedly given oral sex by an unnamed woman, but Heat magazine said he and his lawyers had viewed the video.

It was also rumoured Van Der Westhuizen would seek to interdict the magazine from placing the video on its website. Heat said last night, however, it had agreed not to publish the video for now.

Yesterday afternoon, however, shop shelves were stocked with copies of Heat featuring Van der Westhuizen on the cover and the headline, “Joost in sex and drugs scandal”. It also carries a warning: “Explicit visuals inside.” Sold out no doubt! I personally prefer to wait for the movie rather than read the book.

The magazine confirmed it had received a request from Van der Westhuizen’s lawyer to postpone posting the video on its website.

According to a running update on, (
a friend told me that the website has been off line for the past two days) Van der Westhuizen’s legal representatives “have now had the opportunity to view the video with their client”. It is so rough that the neighbour had a smoke!

“They have requested us to postpone the publishing of the video in order to allow Joost to prepare a response based on alleged evidence that it is not him in the video. We have decided not to publish the video for the time being.” (

The alleged eight-month-old sex tape was leaked to Rapport last week by “a reliable source”.

Van der Westhuizen denied that he was the man on the video.

Joost van der Westhuizen has at least one big "trump card" that may prove that it's not him in the so-called sex video: a tattoo "below the line of his underpants". Methinks Joost after realising his predicament, has since the filming, visited Berties midnight spares and tattoo parlour.

Van der Westhuizen’s publicist yesterday said a statement would be issued.

It was still pending at the time of going to Press.

In his defense, mike posted this comment on the Citizen web site”

“Can't be Joost. The video is 30 minutes long. No blue Bull kan stoot for 30 minutes....”

And aunty Betty, obviously one of those neighbours we all have, had this to say”

Shame joos you know you did wrong!! We have been waiting for this day for a while now!!! we see you coming and going in the complex!! Busy boy!!

A face recognition expert says there's a 65% chance that the man in the controversial sex video is the same one featured in an older photograph of in a Springbok jersey.

My question is, “If it is not Joost, why all the shoe shuffling?”

This article is not to be taken seriously. On a personal level, I certainly hope for the sake of his family that it is not him. South Africa is still a very funny place to live. Anyway thanks for your time, sit back, get a drink, relax, enjoy and let the show begin.

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