Friday, January 30, 2009

You are proudly Safrican when:

You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer

You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement

You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car

You can count the national soccer team's scores with no fingers

To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750

You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light

The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car

More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election

People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Patience, Precious, Innocence, Baby, Moses, Samsung, Godknows, and Given

"Now now" can mean anything from a minute to a month

You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction

Traveling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway

You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it

A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes

The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday

You paint your car's registration on the roof

You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital

You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one

Prisoners go on strike

You don't stop at a red traffic light in case somebody hijacks your carĂ˜ You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once

Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high

When 2 Afrikaans TV programmes are separated by a Xhosa announcement of the following Afrikaans programme, and a Pedi ad

The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are

The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the programme you just finished watching

You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather

You call a bathing suit a "swimming costume"

You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them

White on black violence is considered racism, black on black violence is xenophobia and balck on white violence is normal.

You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Madela

You go to "braais" (barbecues) regularly, where you eat boerewors(long meaty sausage-type thing) and swim, sometimes simultaneously

You know that there's nothing to do in the Free State

You can eat half dried meat and not be considered disgusting.

Nothing is your fault, you can blame it all on apartheid.

You get to buy a new car every 3 months and the insurance company even pays for it.

You can experience kak service in eleven official languages.

Where else can you get oranges with 45% alcohol content at rugby matches?

You're considered clumsy if you cannot: use a cell phone (without car kit), change CDs, drink a beer, put on make-up, read the newspaper and smoke, all at the same time while driving a car at 160 kph in a 60 kph zone.

Great accent. (!!!)

If you live in Johannesburg, you get to brag about living in the most dangerous city in the world.

An electrified fence and Burglar bars become a feature , and a great selling point for your house.

You can decorate your garden walls with barbed wire.

The tow-trucks are the first on the scene for most major accidents, without being called. The police you have to call about three times. Then they arrest the tow truck drivers for listening to the police radio frequency.

Your friend who stops to help you gets shot on a major highway and after they remove his body, you are left to fend for yourself.

Votes have to be recounted until the right party wins.

The police ask you if they must follow up on the burglary you've just reported. Or is it for insurunce. (sic)

A murderer gets a 6 month sentence and a pirate TV viewer 2 years. Shoot the license checking official.

Child rape and african potato salad cures aids.

Aids does not exist.

The prisoners strike and get to vote in elections! Out of country voters have got to go to court to vote, only to have the case delayed till after the election date.

The police stations have panic buttons to call armed response when they are burgled 18. Police cars are fitted with immobilisers and gear locks!

Condoms for free - shopping plastic bags for sale

The constitution is not worth the paper it was printed on.

The government may discriminate on the basis of colour, but the citizen may not.

Affirmative action is aimed at the smallest minority – the endangered white male.

The government supports Robert Mugabe , but fires Vusi Pikoli.

Double standards are the standard.

Rape is a national sport along with cell phone killings, hijacking and corruption.

The weather is generally good.

Nobody in government is accountable for anything.

The enviroment is not an issue

No matter what, you still manage to crack a smile.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friend from SA.

2 Opinion(s):

FishEagle said...

I really enjoyed that! Great.

Vince R said...

Yah, bril! true too!