Peter Marais vows loyalty to Cope until he gets better offer

CAPE TOWN. Veteran politician Peter Marais has vowed to serve the Congress of the People as faithfully as he served his last two parties, saying that his new comrades could count on him to remain absolutely loyal until he gets a better offer from somewhere else.

"I give my blood, sweat and toil to the National Party," he said. "Ag, sies, sorry, I mean Cope

" Addressing journalists this morning Marais said that he felt he was "coming home to a home away from home away from home".

"I only back winners, and the Democratic…the National…the African…Congress of the People is the party for winners," he said, before confirming the name of the party on the letterhead of the stationary he was reading off.

Marais said he expected that his critics would accuse him of being an opportunist, but he challenged them to consider all the parties he had not yet joined.

"I have not yet joined the Independent Democrats or the Freedom Front Plus," he said. "And I never will. In fact I want nothing to with them, ever, under any circumstances.

"I would die before I joined either of them.

I would impale myself on all the pitchforks of Hell before I took a single call from them. "Unless they offered a full health plan and quiche every Friday, in which case I could probably meet next week Tuesday.

" He also revealed that the ANC had courted him, "like Satan tempted Jesus, by taking Him up to a high place and showing Him all earthly delights". Asked to elaborate he explained that he had once been taken to the second floor of Sandton City and offered some free pie.

However, he said, he had thrown the pie "back in their face". "It was some spinach and cheese kak. You offer me pepper-steak or I walk.

" Asked if allegations of sexual harassment in 2002 had hurt his career, Marais said that he was trying to stay pragmatic. "When you look like me I suppose it is inevitable that you will be sexually harassed from time to time," he said. "So yes, perhaps I would be more prominent in politics if those predators hadn't treated me like a piece of meat.

"I didn't ask for this face or this body, but I suppose we each have our cross to bear."